


Two Steps Behind

by sacredheart (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Harry/OFC - Freeform, Louis/OC, M/M, They grow up together, Unrequited Love, but the boys are kind of mean to Louis as kids, childhood AU, i hope you think it's cute too, i promise it's nothing serious, i wrote this because i thought it'd be cute, if there's any bullying or feelings hurt it's nothing intense, my tags are always awful, nothing physical, sort of, these tags are trash but what else is new, they both get involved with other people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-12 14:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4483241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sacredheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Can I play?" He's far away enough that he almost has to yell a little bit. He's got one leg steadying him on the ground, and he's holding the handles of his bike as tightly as he can. He doesn't want to fall off in front of the older kids - the cooler kids.</p><p>"We've got four of us, though, and we don't want uneven teams," Zayn lies apologetically, and Louis frowns. He's not stupid. They don't want to play with him. "Maybe tomorrow." That's also a lie, because Zayn said the same thing yesterday and now it's tomorrow and Louis is being told no, again. His head is spinning with rejection and confusion and, most of all, disappointment. </p><p>(Or, Louis is two years younger than his neighbors, Harry, Liam, Niall, and Zayn, and he grows up bending over backwards to get their attention and acceptance. Especially Harry's.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to take a break from my summer camp story, so i wrote this down instead today. hope you like it! let me know if i should continue with this. (also, please excuse me for referencing the american school system even though they're british. i know close to nothing about english schooling, so i just replaced it with american. bear with me.)
> 
> ** portuguese translation !! ** https://www.wattpad.com/story/49303985-two-steps-behind-%C2%BB-larry-stylinson-%C2%AB-portuguese
> 
> TRAILER !!!!!!! - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MmOrBIOyJg

The sleepy autumn air should be soothing to seven year old Louis, but it only riles him up. He's  _bored_ , and extremely so. His mum has only recently started to allow to him ride his bike around the neighborhood, and that's only because they live in a secluded cul-de-sac where everybody knows everybody. 

As his wheels press against the pavement with each turn, and his legs move with the pedals, he does his best to keep his balance (he no longer needs training wheels, thank you very much). Sunlight filters through the trees until it splashes across the road in yellow splotches, and there are leaves everywhere. He doesn't know much about why the leaves change, or how it happens, but he knows that fall means Halloween is coming soon. And for that, he is excited.

His breath catches when he sees Niall, Harry, Zayn, and Liam - his neighbors, playing footie together with what looks like some new goals and a fresh, bleached and clean looking ball. They're in Zayn's front yard, which is long and flat. So, usually, it's where they choose to play their games. Maybe someone got a new set for their birthday, and they're trying it out. 

When Louis calls out to them, they groan and stop playing. Liam shifts from one foot to the other, and Harry narrows his eyes. 

"What." The curly haired boy's words are staccato and uninterested, and Louis frowns. They're all two years older than him; third graders who don't seem to find any appeal in a first grader's childish antics. Despite his best efforts (there's no one else in the neighborhood to play with who isn't a grown-up), they just don't want anything to do with him. 

"Can I play?" He's far away enough that he almost has to yell a little bit. He's got one leg steadying him on the ground, and he's holding the handles of his bike as tightly as he can. He doesn't want to fall off in front of the older kids - the  _cooler_ kids.

"We've got four of us, though, and we don't want uneven teams," Zayn lies apologetically, and Louis frowns. He's not stupid. They don't want to play with him. "Maybe tomorrow." That's also a lie, because Zayn said the same thing yesterday and now it's tomorrow and Louis is being told no, again. His head is spinning with rejection and confusion and, most of all, disappointment. 

"Oh. Okay," he sighs, turning the handles to the left so he can spin his bike around and go home. Suddenly, he's not very interested in being outside anymore. He pedals as fast as he can without falling off, before finally reaching his house and hastily discarding his bike into the garage. 

When he walks through the front door, his mother is tending to his baby sister in the kitchen, but she glances over her shoulder to smile at her son. 

"Did you have fun today?" She raises a brow, and Louis, too young to understand the concept of bottling up your emotions for the sake of other people, erupts into tears. 

"They don't want to play with me, Mummy," he weeps, running to hug one of her legs and melt his salty tears into her jeans. He doesn't need to say who, because there's no one else Louis is so interested in spending time with. 

After putting his sister in the high chair (with difficulty, considering she had a kid attached to her leg), Louis's mum crouches down to his height and brushes his hair out of his eyes. 

"It's not because of you personally, sweetheart," she reassures him as he sniffles rather loudly. "They're older than you, and two years is a lot when you're a kid. You mature very quickly." 

"What does mature mean?" Louis lets his head rest on her shoulder, and she rubs his back. 

"It means... Well, if someone is more mature than you are, it means that they are less like a baby and more like a grown-up," she does her best to explain in a way he'll understand. He pulls away from their embrace, and frowns.

"What? I'm not a baby. And they're not grown ups," he protests in frustration, and she sighs. So maybe that wasn't the best explanation.

"Of course not. But to them, you're a baby, because being nine and being seven is very different. Would you want to play with a five year old?" She asks, brushing some tears from his eyes. He's quiet for a minute, and he remembers that his cousin is five. The kid mostly runs in circles and screams for no reason at all.

"No, I s'pose not," he's calming down, now, much to his mother's relief. Her face melts into a warm smile, and she pats his shoulder. 

"See? I'm sure when you're a bit older, they'll absolutely adore you. Maybe even as much as I do," she reasons. "Well, maybe not as much as I do. But close." 

Louis doesn't say anything after that, just makes his way into the living room to watch cartoons for the rest of the day and hope, by some odd miracle, the boys come knocking on his door to ask for him to join them.

~

They don't come ask, but it's alright. He gets very caught up in what he's watching, and before he realizes it, it's time for dinner and bed. After he's tucked into his quilt and holding his stuffed bear against his chest, he glances out of the window beside his twin mattress and stares into the night sky, littered with tiny stars. He can see Harry's house from where he's lying, and Niall's is a little ways after that. The homes are pretty nicely spaced apart, but close enough that walking between them is a piece of cake - Louis's mother does it all the time. She and Zayn's mother take turns babysitting each other's children every once in a while.

He hates feeling lonely, it's a heavy feeling in his chest that tugs on his heart and makes him want to drag his feet on the floor. Sure, he has friends at school, and they have good times together at recess, but it's not the point. He wants to be accepted by the boys he's known since birth.

His mother says that when he and Harry were extremely little, perhaps even the size of his sister, they played together all the time. Louis doesn't remember a single ounce of it, of course, but he's heard stories. Their parents were very close (still are, just busy most of the time) and Miss Anne - as Louis has always known her - would bring Harry over on her hip when she wanted to talk to Louis's mother. 

Apparently, they would sit at the kitchen counter and chatter while Louis crawled around on the floor, and Harry toddled closely behind him. When the curly haired boy was old enough to speak, he would angrily defend Louis from any potential wrongdoing against him, and would run to his side when he cried. He even tried to pry the baby from his own mother's arms once, and threw a tantrum when Anne scolded her son for being so rude. 

Things are so different, though, that Louis can hardly believe any of these stories are true. Harry turns his nose up at Louis, and if he waves to him at school, the neighbor pretends not to see him. If he can't ignore Louis, he'll shoo him away with an embarrassed look and a swat of his hand. 

As he falls asleep, he dreams of a world where he is nine years old too - old enough to play footie with the big kids and laugh at their jokes and be their favorite friend.

~

"Poor Louis came home crying the other night," Jay croons into the phone, balanced between her cheek and her shoulder as she cleans some toys up off of the family room floor. Her daughter is asleep in her room, so she has at least an hour to get some cleaning done. 

"What? Why?" Anne asks from the other line, before pulling the device slightly away from her face. "Harry, take those muddy shoes off before you walk into my house. Do I need to tell you _every_ time?" There's a pause, and then she's back. "Sorry, continue." 

"He feels bad because he's the youngest out of all of the boys, poor kid, and they don't want to include him in their games. I've tried to explain to him that it's just the age, and that they're going to be like that for a while, but he's just miserable." 

"They exclude him?" This seems like news to Anne, by the tone of her voice, and Jay nods. She then remembers her friend can't hear her. Oops. 

"Well, yes. I knew it would happen eventually, but he's taking it really hard," she replies, and Anne is quiet for another minute.

"I know what we'll do. I'll have the boy trick-or-treat with Louis on Halloween, and they'll all become good friends again," she hums, and Jay simply agrees.

~

October 31st is a chilly night, and Jay is arguing with Louis about wearing a coat in the foyer. 

"But vampires don't wear  _jackets_ , mum," he whines from behind his mask. He's got fake fangs in his mouth, and his mother had used a bit of makeup to put some redness around his eyes and to make his face look paler than usual. For an added touch, he' got fake blood dribbling down one corner of his mouth. 

"Fine, fine. But if you catch a cold, you've only got yourself to blame," she says, before the two of them leave the house. Zayn's mom is watching his sisters tonight, and she'll be visiting Mrs. Malik after walking Louis over to Harry's house, where the boys are meeting.

He clings to her tightly as they shuffle through the dark, but Harry's porch light guides them. As soon as the older boys come into view, milling about, Louis releases his mother's hand and stands up straighter. She'd laugh at how cute he is if she didn't feel so bad for him in this situation. 

"Hello boys!" She waves, and he's immediately embarrassed. No one else's mum had to walk them here. Just his. "Thank you for letting Louis join you tonight." When Louis says nothing, she elbows him lightly. 

"Thank you," he mumbles, holding his bucket at one side. It's shaped like a jack-o-lantern. Zayn is dressed as Frankenstein, Liam is Batman, and Harry looks like a zombie. The only one missing is Niall, so Louis assumes that the person under the white sheet with two eye holes is the blonde boy.

"It's, erm, it's no problem," Liam smiles awkwardly, as Louis turns to walk towards them. His mother catches his arm, though, and pulls him in for a kiss on the cheek. 

"Have fun, sweetie," she coos, and he nods before walking into the light of the porch. It's chilly out, and the wind is blowing just slightly. Leaves are kicked up and tumble past their feet, and it's dead silent. 

The other four boys look as though they are absolutely dreading this. Their eyes are distant, their sighs drawn out, and their silence says a lot. 

"Well, let's go. Keep up, Tomlinson," Harry strides towards the road, calling over his shoulder.  _Tomlinson?_ No one calls Louis that. At least, not that he can remember. He scampers forward to keep up with them, and chews on his lip once he's matching their strides. 

"I like your suit, Liam," he compliments, because his mother says to compliment someone when you want to be their friend. The taller boy glances down at him, and he seems to pity him, because he smiles sadly. 

"Thanks, Louis. You look really scary." At this, Louis beams and flashes his fake teeth. The older boy ruffles his hair, and says fondly, "cute." 

 _Cute?_ They still see him as a baby. He wants to cry, sit down and sob, but that would prove their point entirely. He needs to act more like them. But how? 

They reach the first house, decorated festively with smiling pumpkins and fake black cats. Niall rings the doorbell, and when his own mother answers the door, she pretends to be surprised. 

"Well well, who are these scary people?" She asks with a giggle, and is then bombarded with the phrase  _Trick or Treat!_ from all five boys at once. As she hands them candy, Louis can't help but squeal with delight. He always forgets how much he loves this holiday until he's living it. 

They walk from house to house, and Louis is ignored for the most part, but he doesn't mind trailing behind them while they talk on about things he isn't paying attention to. He skips from time to time, counting his steps when he gets too bored to do anything else. 

When the night ends, the boys bring Louis back to his house with a full bucket of candy and a smile on his face. They say goodbye to him in front of his mother, but without very much enthusiasm. He doesn't care. He's grown very used to their attitude towards him, and besides, he's got so many sweets, he could live off of them for the rest of his life.

~

Monday rolls around and Louis sleepily climbs onto the school bus once it comes to a stop in front of his house. His mother waves to him from the driveway, blowing him a kiss that he watches from the window. As soon as she's no longer in sight, he settles into the brown leather supporting his back and clutches his backpack against his chest. However, his peace is disturbed almost immediately by a third grader he doesn't recognize.

 

"Your  _mummy_ still walks you to the school bus? What a baby," he teases, and Louis's eyes water. God, he really  _is_ a baby. He can't even keep the waterworks in when he's being made fun of. Before he can answer, Harry is shouting from a few seats back.

"Leave him alone, Thomas. You wet your pants in class yesterday." The entire bus erupts into roaring laughter, and the mean boy settles back into his own seat with hot cheeks and his arms crossed over his chest. A smile spreads itself over Louis's face, and he turns around to thank his neighbor. 

Harry ignores him, though, and goes back to joking with Niall. Oh well. A brief moment of kindness is better than none at all.

He watches the trees pass in a blur, and the sounds the bus makes as it rolls over bumps and chugs down the road pleasantly remind him that he'll be in school soon enough, his favorite place to be. He loves his colorful classroom, his happy teacher, and his funny classmates. He gets along with most of them, and unlike the boys in his neighborhood, they find him hilarious. 

~

Recess is always a blast, but Louis's closest friend, Stan, is out sick today. Therefore, he's standing underneath the monkey bars and unsure of what to do as he watches his peers chase each other and sprint underneath the sun. He has the same recess hour as Harry and Liam, and usually he wouldn't bother either of them, but he's got no choice. What's a lad supposed to do, stand alone and stare at his own feet? No thank you.

He catches sight of Harry, first, and quickly hurries over to where he's standing. He's with a girl, and they're beside the swings. Harry's laughing at something she says, and she smiles widely at him. When Louis reaches them, they don't notice him at first.

"I think you're very pretty," Harry admits, cheeks turning slightly pink, and she is about to respond when Louis chimes in.

"I agree, Harry. You have very pretty hair," Louis thinks maybe if he compliments her too, they can all be friends together. But by the look on Harry's face, he isn't thinking the same thing. In fact, he looks mortified.

"Go away, Louis," he groans, embarrassed and his voice in a hushed whisper. He has to look down at the boy, in his blue overalls and red t-shirt underneath.

"Why? I thought we were-"

"We're not friends, Louis. I don't want to be your friend," he snaps it out so quickly and Louis's eyes widen, and then he's turning on his heel and walking away. His face is hot. Didn't Harry defend him this morning? Why did he just tell him to go away? And why did he just say  _that?_

Before he's too far away, he hears the girl say quietly, 

"That was really mean, Harry. I think I'll go talk to Sarah, now." Louis gets some solace in that, as he keeps his back turned. Maybe now Harry feels as alone as he does. Maybe he hates himself for making Louis almost cry. 

Scratch that. He actually cries once he's far enough away that the curly haired boy won't notice. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe the feedback I got from the last chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and commented this story! 
> 
> (Also, this chapter is a little bit of a filler, but I needed to establish a change in relationships and a bit of character development. Hope you like it, nonetheless!)

Louis's mother peeks her head into his room Tuesday afternoon with a small smile on her face. He hasn't spoken to her since he explained that Harry didn't want to be his friend, and she had held him close to her and watched a movie with him until he wasn't so sad anymore.

He's working on a puzzle in the middle of his floor, and glances up at the intrusion. To his surprise, his mum has Harry standing beside her, looking rather ashamed. The boy is looking at Louis like he's going to tear up any moment, and he shuffles quite awkwardly into the space.

"Harry has something he would like to say to you, if you don't mind," she nudges the boy further into the room, and he turns around to thank her quietly before she shuts the door and leaves. It's silent for a moment, Louis blinking up at the neighbor he used to think of as a friend, and waits for something to happen.

Before anything else, Harry sits down cross legged on the carpet and lets his eyes scan over the uncompleted puzzle. 

"Hi Louis," he mumbles. "I, um, I wanted to say that I'm really sorry for telling you I didn't want to be your friend. That was wrong of me. I didn't mean it, I promise," he stops to wait for the younger boy's reaction, but the blue eyed boy just blinks and waits for him to continue. "I was upset because I really like the girl I was talking to, and you interrupted, and so I was mean to you. And I'm very sorry about it." He's twisting his hands into his shirt, and focusing very hard on the floor.

Louis wants to throw the box the puzzle came in at him. He wants to scream and cry and stomp out of the room, or at least kick Harry out of it. He was humiliated by the older boy, and made to feel like nothing but an unwanted baby. He wants to tell him that you're supposed to treat people better, and he wants to maybe even kick him in the shin. But the boy is looking at him with tears brimming in his eyes and a look so desperate for forgiveness that he cannot find the strength to do any of those things. 

"It's okay," he says quietly, also staring at the floor. This situation is entirely too serious for little boys to handle, so they keep their voices low and their eyes trained elsewhere. "I understand. We all say mean things that we feel bad for sometimes."

"I'm also sorry that we never let you play with us," the curly haired boy adds in, finally glancing up to look directly at his neighbor. Louis doesn't know what to say to that, so he just shrugs and picks up another piece to his puzzle. 

"It's okay. Want to help me do this?" He asks, waiting for the rejection to come, or the excuse, or the sudden need to leave and be somewhere else. However, Harry scoots closer and glances down at the floor before him.

"Sure."

They spend at least an hour, hunched over and rearranging pieces of a larger picture. At first, they're mostly quiet, taking pieces and putting them where they see fit. A few words emerge here and there, a little at a time, until they're conversing like old friends again. They laugh, shove each other, and at one point, Louis tackles Harry for taking the piece  _he_ had been working for, which ends in a tangled mess of laughter. 

It's not much, but it's a start.

~

Louis has a strong feeling that Harry's mum pushed him to go to Louis's house and apologize. However, he really doesn't care either way. After all, despite his original motives, the boys have opened up to him. At least a little bit. They no longer groan when he approaches, or tell him to go home. In fact, more often than not, lately, they let him join them when they're playing footie in someone's yard, or kickball, or just riding their bikes up the street.

Today, they're eating ice cream cones on Niall's porch, and Louis is sat in between Harry and Niall. He's a lot smaller than them, and the way he eats his ice cream is a lot messier, but no one says anything. He still feels as though they don't exactly  _love_ his presence, but he'll win them over somehow. He's just got to act cool enough.

It's quiet, except for the slurping sounds that come with trying to save a dripping popsicle from falling onto the floor. Louis watches Harry, and finds himself smiling very widely. He likes the boy's brown hair and his long, dark eyelashes and his big smile. He wants to lean over and kiss his cheek, so he does. 

"Aw, Baby Lou loves Harry," Liam croons, ruffling the boy's hair until Louis pouts. He doesn't like that name, and it's written all over his face.

"Don't call me that," he almost growls, because, well,  _he's not a baby._ "And I don't love Harry." 

"Who do you love, then?" Zayn asks with a raised brow, leaning over to get a glimpse at the first grader's expression. 

"Nobody. I'm seven," he insists, and to that, they all laugh. Except for Louis, who doesn't know why it's so funny. It's too cold to really be sitting outside anymore, but they're tired of being inside for so long that they simply put up with the nipping wind at their cheeks and noses. The ice cream, though, was a dumb idea. Even Louis knows that, and he forgets to tie his shoes sometimes.

"I'm going to be eight soon," Louis brags, puffing his chest out and gleaming at the outside world. Harry quickly deflates him.

"But once you turn eight, we're going to turn ten after that," he reminds him, and Louis puffs out a sigh. His shoulders relax, and he pouts.

It was a nice thought, at least, for a few seconds.

~

Baby Louis seems to catch on, much to his chagrin. When they see him at school, they wave at him with big grins and say with friendly shouts, 

 _"Hey, Baby Lou!"_ It isn't meant to be malicious or rude, but they  _do_ enjoy the way he glares at them and continues walking as if he hadn't heard a thing.

Alas, he'd take a silly nickname over no friends at all any day. He's their companion now, but is he an equal? Most likely not. Louis is too young to completely recognize the relationship he has with his neighbors, but he knows it isn't the same as the one they have with each other. He knows he's still an outsider, and he would like that to change.

It's getting colder, and Louis is finding himself having to wear more and more layers to school until the leaves have all fallen and he looks like a marshmallow when he waddles up his driveway, covered in coats and scarves and gloves and boots and jackets. It's simply too freezing to play outside much anymore, so if the boys ever invite him over to play with them, it's inside and they're tapping away at video game controllers or building some sort of blanket fort. 

He does his best to help them forget the fact that he isn't their age, but he slips up sometimes, like when he cries when he doesn't get his way or when he can't keep up with them when they're running as fast as they can. The height difference also, unfortunately, cannot be ignored. 

Tonight, they are all lounging around on the sectional sofa in Liam's finished basement, watching  _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ in their pajamas. It's the first sleepover Louis has ever been to, but apparently these boys do it all the time. They've got their individual sleeping bags laid out on the floor (Louis's mum had to run out and buy him one, as before today he had never needed to own a sleeping bag), and they're munching on chips and cookies and other snacks. 

"I don't like Charlie Brown," Niall announces with a sour look on his face. "He's too sad all the time." 

"Well, someone's got to be sad," Harry rolls his eyes, "Considering you  _ooze_ excitement and happiness." At this, Niall proves the point by beaming and showing his most toothy, obnoxious smile. The others laugh, including Louis, who is a bit worried.

This is out of his element. He's never slept over at a friend's house before, but he's seen movies. Is someone going to put his hand in warm water and make him pee? Or tell him a ghost story that makes him afraid to sleep?

His nervousness aside, he's very content as he shoves cookies into his mouth (his mother wouldn't be happy if she knew he's already eaten six), and giggling at the jokes of his friends - even though some of them go over his head. 

"Have you still got a crush on Kaitlyn, Harry?" Liam asks, and the green-eyed boy blushes. His entire face turns red and he buries it into a couch pillow.

"Yes," his voice is muffled as he speaks through the cushion, and Louis smiles. It's nice for someone other than him to be embarrassed for once. 

"Have you kissed her?" Niall says it in a whisper, like it's a curse or a sin. They all lean in towards their friend, giggling and waiting for his response. He's silent for a long time, before removing his pillow from his face.

"On the cheek, yeah," he mumbles, and Niall cheers. Louis's eyes widen in astonishment. Harry kissed someone? That sounds terrifying. Sure, Louis had kissed the very same boy on the cheek just a few days ago, but that was different. He kissed him like he kisses his mum or his sister. To kiss a girl, though, a  _real_ one and not a family member, sounded like an out-of-this-world experience. 

"Did she like it?" Zayn asks, leaning back into the cushions and smirking like a fox. Harry seems offended by this, and his jaw drops.

"Of course she liked it!" His boast does not go unnoticed, and Liam makes a show of rolling his eyes.

"I'm going to bed," he mutters fondly. The others seem to be tired enough, too, because no one protests the idea.

Zayn shuts the TV off with a flick of the remote, and crawls down onto the floor. He tucks himself into his sleeping bag and almost immediately begins to sleep, so the boys follow suit and unzip their own bags.

Louis fluffs his pillow up a few times before finally relaxing into his cocoon-like sac, but immediately his chest is full of an empty ache.

This isn't his bed, and he's not surrounded by his stuffed animals and his night light, and his mum didn't kiss him goodnight. Nor did she tuck him in, and he doesn't have the security of knowing she's just a couple doors away.

He's never been so homesick, and a few tears slip down his cheeks. Regretfully so, he lets out a quiet sniffle, but no one seems to notice. Well, at least that's what he assumes, until Harry shuffles and rolls over in his bag, only a few inches from Louis.

"What's wrong, Baby Louis?" He whispers, as to not wake anyone else. Louis would snap at him for using the nickname, but right now, he can't be bothered. The curly haired boy doesn't look condescending or amused, but concerned.

"I miss my mum," he whispers into the dark, feeling rather stupid for saying it out loud. But it's true. He's never been away from home, except to stay at his grandparents' house a few times.

"Oh," Harry murmurs in surprise, and he looks as though he's thinking. "Do you want to sleep in my bag with me? Maybe you'll feel less lonely," he shrugs as he says it, and the navy blue bag slumps down and around his shoulders.

"Yes, please," Louis sniffs again, before unzipping his own bag and climbing clumsily into Harry's. Once he's settled, he feels the older boy's arms wrap around him and hug him loosely. He rubs Louis' back until he isn't crying so hard anymore, and Louis feels comfortable enough to press his cheek into Harry's shirt. His tears dry on the fabric, and he falls asleep to the gentle sounds of Harry shushing him and the soothing feeling of being held.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was trash and really short i'm sorry. but i needed to write this one. i know a lot of you were saying you wanted louis to grow up and totally reject them, and believe me, that sounds like a really great idea, but i'm starting to form a vision for this story and i'm excited to go through with my plan!
> 
> (also, let me be real, i couldn't bear writing another chapter with the boys being mean to him. there may be instances in the future where he feels left out, but i needed some nice, happy things to go on first.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't wait to update... so.. this happened.

_3 Years Later_

The sound of fingers mashing into controller buttons is going to make Louis sick. He's damn  _tired_ of watching Zayn kick Niall's ass at  _Super Mario Brothers,_ but he's got nothing else to do but lounge on Harry's couch and spectate the sad defeat. Once the round is over, the blonde haired boy drops his controller onto the table as Zayn gets up and cheers.

"Kirby and I win again!" He brags, and Niall groans, before throwing a couch pillow at him.

"Piss off," he grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest with a small, almost indefinable smile spread across his lips. Liam couldn't come today, he's got an uncle's wedding or something, so it's just the four of them huddled around in Harry's cozy living room. There's a fire place in the corner, a large couch, and a gigantic TV that they got last christmas from a relative. Was it Harry's grandmother? Louis can't remember.

The curly haired boy looks sleepy this March morning, his eyes opening and closing so slowly that it's hard to tell if he's awake or not. Over the course of time, he's grown closer to Louis than any of the other boys (much to the delight of their parents, who used to adore their relationship as babies). Sometimes, though, it runs through Louis's ten year old mind that Harry thinks of him as a little brother more than a friend he can talk to. 

Almost as if the older boy is reading his thoughts, Harry stretches his limbs and sits up right. He glances down at his smaller friend, still caught in elementary school instead of the adult world that is Middle School. Louis wishes he was there with them, preparing for high school. Instead, he loathes walking into the halls of a place clearly meant for children. He's  _tired_ of being a child. 

"How's the elementary school, Baby Louis?" Harry asks with a small grin, his lips curled into a smug smirk. His curls are disheveled on his head, and the white t-shirt he's wearing has the logo of some designer label on it... Because he's suddenly interested in those. Maybe nice clothes attract girls. 

"Shut up," Louis frowns, but the boy only continues, cooing at him like an infant. He runs a hand through Louis's hair fondly, crooning at him like a mother whose baby won't stop crying. Typically, the younger boy would enjoy this contact, but he's furious.

"That's no language for a boy your age," Harry teases, and Louis tears himself away from his hold and climbs to another part of the couch. When he does, Harry furrows his brows and frowns. "Come back," he encourages. "I'll stop, mate. Come on, don't leave me all cold over here." 

And so Louis, reluctantly, crawls back towards where his neighbor is sitting and presses himself into his warm and familiar side. He wishes he had more self-control, because maybe then he could hold a grudge for more than thirty seconds.

"Did you miss me?" Harry giggles, wrapping his arms around Louis's waist and pressing his nose into the boy's hair. Louis grumbles something unintelligible, hoping that his surly attitude will mask the fact that he's blushing like mad right now. His crush on Harry has always sort of been there, but it has certainly bloomed from its original bud this past year. 

"No," Louis snaps back with a snarl, wriggling in the boy's grasp. He is only held onto tighter, which, well, is exactly what he wanted.

"Fine, then. I didn't miss you either," Harry laughs out, before returning his attention to the TV screen. 

~

After school later in the week, it's a chilly afternoon and the boys are wrapped in light jackets as they play some footie in Zayn's yard to warm up. They hadn't been able to play all winter, and they're eager to get themselves back into it. 

Louis is running up and down the makeshift field as quickly as he can muster, but he's still not quite as fast as they are. Niall and Zayn are his teammates, and he's getting frustrated by how much they're ignoring him. They throw him a pity pass there and there, but that's it.

"C'mon, I'm  _open,_ " Louis groans, and it's true. He is ignored, though, and Zayn makes a compromising pass to a guarded Niall, which ends up making them lose the ball to Harry. The curly haired boy dashes towards their goal, and they attempt to catch up, but they know it's all over. Louis watches the ball glide into the open net and his heart sinks. He hates losing, especially to Harry. 

The game isn't over yet, though, and he's going to prove himself. He's got to. Maybe if he gets more involved in the action, they'll take him more seriously. After all, he's ten years old, not four. He can hold his own in a stupid game of soccer.

When they start up again, Liam gets possession of the ball fairly quickly. Louis hears Zayn groan in frustration a little ways off from where he's standing, and he decides to just go for it. 

Full-tilt sprint, Louis heads straight towards an unsuspecting Liam, who is casually making his way towards the goal. He's much smaller than his friend, though, and knows he could be easily pushed aside, so he'll have to do this carefully. 

As soon as he reaches him, he attempts to kick the ball out from under him, but fails. Liam dodges him pretty easily, and Louis's ears get hot. This isn't how it's supposed to go, he's supposed to look like a hero, here. So he tries again. 

Coming up behind the taller boy, he reaches his leg back to send the ball flying (hopefully) into the care of one of his teammates. However, instead of kicking it, he steps on it, and it causes his entire body to slip. On the way down, his ankle twists in an odd way and he cries out in pain before hitting the unforgiving earth. His cheek is pressed against the dirt and he's almost immediately sobbing, the pain radiating throughout his lower left leg. 

Louis sees red. Everything is so painful, he's never felt anything like this before. It's excruciating. Salty tears trickle down his cheeks, and he can tell that the boys are crouching on their knees around them. 

"Are you okay?" Harry's eyes are scanning Louis's body for serious injury, almost frantically, and Louis shakes his head. 

"My leg," he whimpers, and before anything else can be said, Liam is scooping him up and cradling him in his arms as gently as he can. Louis wants his mother, but he won't say that. 

"Go get his mum," Liam instructs Niall (much to Louis's relief), suddenly much more mature than he usually is. "And tell her he might have broken his ankle. Tell her I'm gonna carry him to her house," he says, and the blonde nods before sprinting off in the direction of Louis's house. 

The blue eyed boy supported by Liam's arms is sobbing with reckless abandon as they begin to walk towards his home. He knows Zayn is attempting to give some comforting words, but he can hardly hear him. His head is spinning and his entire body aches. 

"Give him to me, Liam," Harry demands rather angrily, and suddenly there are hands in Louis's torso, grabbing for him, but he's tugged back against Liam's chest. Upon the sudden movement, Louis winces, but says nothing. He squeezes his eyes shut as tightly as he can, and prays his mother will be with him soon. 

"What? No, we can't move him around so much, he could get more hurt," Liam insists, and Louis hears Harry make a very unhappy, guttural noise from his throat. He feels an extra pair of hands on him again, but they're quickly removed.

"Are you serious? Chill out," Liam snaps at the curly haired boy, clearly agitated. "He's in enough pain as it is. So can we not play tug of war with him?" And then they're moving again, in total silence, which Louis is grateful for as he weeps into his friend's shirt.

Perhaps Harry didn't throw a tantrum this time for not getting to hold Louis, but he seemed very close.

~

The ride to the hospital is a miserable one. Louis sits in the backseat of his mum's car, with his leg propped up on the other seats beside him, and it's just the two of them. 

He weeps the entire way, and she tries to comfort him, but to no avail. As the world passes him by out the window, his tears dry against his cheeks and he almost wishes Harry were with him right now, pressing kisses into his hair and telling him jokes to get his mind off of the pain. 

The pleasant daydream is interrupted by a harsh reality, which is a trip to the emergency room without his favorite boy beside him. Louis's mother, stronger than she looks, lifts him up from the seat and carries him towards the entrance. 

"It'll be alright, my dear," she assures him as the automatic doors part for them and they step into the warm, welcoming, white space. It's a nice change from the frigid cold outside, and he lets himself bask in the heat of the building before secretaries and nurses are at his mother's ear, asking her what happened.

Once it's all explained, and Louis is wheeled down brightly lit, florescent corridors with toothpaste blue furnishings, he's gently placed into a bed, where he can sit up if he uses the remote to raise the back enough (which he does). His mum sits beside him, rubbing the top of his hand with her thumb as they wait for the doctor to join them. 

"The boys are all worried about you," she tells him softly. "Mrs. Horan called me while the nurse was getting you settled. She said that they're all sat around her kitchen table, pale and sad. Harry's been crying since you left." Louis's heart snaps into a thousand pieces, and shatters against the floor. It feels so real that he can't believe he didn't just die upon hearing that.

"Please tell them I'm okay," he pleads, and she nods, before typing out a text message to the woman. Louis is wrapped up in the blissful knowledge that his older peers care about him. Sure, they let him hang around them, but they are  _worried_ about him. Surely, that means that they'd miss him if he were gone. 

The doctor, a middle aged woman with small glasses balanced on her nose, enters the room and smiles sadly at the boy she's facing. Her white coat is crisp and clean looking, dark hair tied behind her hair in a clean bun. She's very put together, and seems friendly enough.

"Okay, Louis, we're going to do an X-Ray to see if anything is fractured, my friend," she tells him. His mother is listening carefully. "I'm thinking it's sprained, but we need to be sure before we put a cast on you," she further explains. He only nods, and she begins jotting something down onto her clipboard.

He wants to sleep, but he knows he can't, which is, well, awful. It's been such a long day, and he feels as though it's going to go on forever. 

"Is there anything I can get for you?" His mother smooths out the sheet he's lying under, probably just to keep her hands busy, and Louis rolls his head to the side to look at her. 

"Harry, please," he mumbles, and all she can offer him is a sad smile.

~

Just as the doctor had predicted, Louis's ankle is sprained and he is now wrapped up in a dark blue cast. It's not very big and bulky, and it only reaches up to the lower part of his shin, but he knows it will be a nuisance nonetheless. With a sigh, he looks up at the ceiling and listens to the doctor telling his mother to follow up with Louis's regular pediatrician in a few days, and to keep his leg elevated whenever possible. 

"I'm going to say he should probably be healed in six weeks, maybe seven," she estimates, and after a few parting words she's preparing to leave. She says one of the nurses is going to deliver crutches to the room for Louis to use, and the boy lights up. The kids with crutches at school are the coolest ones. Everyone wants a chance at using them, or just admiring the awesome looking contraptions. 

Before the woman gets a chance to leave, Harry is sprinting through the door and throwing himself across Louis's chest. 

"Harry,  _please_ don't run in a hospital," his mother pleads as she enters the room, holding a bouquet of flowers presumably from the gift shop. "And Louis is fragile right now. Be careful," she adds in a warning tone. Harry ignores her, digging his face in Louis's neck and clutching his shoulders. He wiggles his face, as if he can actually burrow himself closer, and begins to purr softly.

"Baby Louis," is all he chokes out, and Louis is so happy his heart could burst. His mum got him Harry after all, and he would thank her if he wasn't trapped by Harry's embrace, at the moment. He can hear their mothers talking to the doctor, but he isn't paying attention to their words. Harry all but climbs into the bed with him. 

"Give him some air, darling," Anne says to her son, who whines in return. 

"No," he protests. 

"I don't mind," Louis promises her from underneath the suddenly very cuddly boy, and takes a deep breath. Okay, so maybe Harry is crushing him a little bit. His neighbor does pull away though, only just slightly, to smile down at his friend from his standpoint at the bedside. 

"I won't let you ever get hurt again," he promises him quietly, as he shakes his head back and forth. "Because you're my best friend," 

Louis says nothing, in fear of bursting into tears, so he only nods. But his heart has long left this building, soaring high in the air.

He may be injured, but he is untouchable. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never imagined anything i wrote would be read by people on this site... so i can't thank everyone enough for paying attention to this story. i LOVE reading and replying to your comments, they make me so happy. i hope you enjoyed this update, and please let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise update! it's very short, but oh well! i'll make the next one longer to make up for it.

Louis is twelve, and absolutely  _fucked_. 

The thing is, being gay isn't the problem. A small part of him, a part that gradually grew and became quite obvious, has known that he is attracted to boys. He didn't need to have a life re-evaluation, or the shocking and shattering realization that his sexuality was not what he had thought it was. Instead, he had always been this way, and it simply became a matter of fully accepting it. 

Of course, he hasn't told anyone, though he's sure his mother has an inkling. There has been no spoken evidence of this suspicion, just a feeling in his gut that she is aware and she is alright with it. He could be entirely wrong, of course, but. 

The  _real_ problem, the one that haunts him through the deep hours of the night and sits on his shoulder like a crow predicting gloom, is that he is head over heels for Harry. Even admitting it in thought makes his stomach churn. He's always been very attached, but the gut wrenching epiphany that brought him to understand exactly what his feelings mean has frightened and floored him, at the time.

Not much has changed. He's only in the sixth grade, but Harry is in the eighth, as are their other friends. They're gearing up for high school, and Louis is absolutely miserable about it. How is he supposed to cope with this massive crush on his best friend? They spend every day after school together. Okay, well, maybe four times a week after school. Now that they're older, all five of the boys have become tied up in after school clubs, sports, and activities that keep them apart. 

Still, Louis's heart hurts the most when he and Harry are eating pancakes at his kitchen table, and the boy's eyes are bleary and glazed over from sleep, but he still smiles lazily at Louis and waves his fork at him. His entire chest aches when the five of them are sitting on the floor of Liam's basement, watching some stupid scary movie that Louis is secretly petrified of but won't show it, and Harry pretends to flirt with him for laughs. He throws his arms around the younger boy and blurts out,

"I'll protect you, my darling love!" And they all laugh, Louis included. But at the same time, he can hear the sound of his glass heart being smashed into concrete pavement and stepped on by Harry's shoe. 

At the moment, he's fixing his tie in front of his closet mirror, and huffing in frustration at the one hair on his head that won't lie flat. He just  _can't_ use any more gel to try and tame it, or he's going to begin to look like Danny from Grease. 

The Middle School formal is tonight, and Louis is not bringing a date. Well, in his defense, most of the sixth graders aren't. They're all too shy to even ponder the idea of asking someone to go to the formal with them, and they'll probably be the ones hanging out in secluded groups while the eighth graders actually dance with members of the opposite sex. Under strict chaperone supervision, of course. 

His black suit fits him nicely, but his tie is wrinkled and there's just no time to fix it now. Niall's mom will be here any minute to pick him up, because the blonde, Louis, and Zayn are all going to show up together. Harry and Liam, of course, have dates. Louis tries not to gag at the thought.

Harry has been going on and on about this girl, his date, for weeks. Apparently, they sit next to each other in Chemistry and she's ' _just perfect'._ Her name is Alex, and she has long, wavy brown hair and, supposedly, her eyes are captivating. They must be, since Harry daydreams about her aloud to the boys so much that Zayn punches the curly haired boy's shoulder as soon as he mentions her name. 

When he had finally worked up the courage to ask her to be his date, Harry had called Louis on his cellphone immediately (Louis got his phone as a Christmas present when he turned twelve, and Harry had been the first person he'd called, even though they were in the same room) to brag about it. 

As he gushed on for at least an hour about how nervous he had been, and how sweet she had looked when she said yes, Louis felt himself crumbling like an old pastry. He was wilting, but replied enthusiastically nonetheless. 

And now, here he is, waiting for his ride to his first ever school dance. 

~

As they step out of the car, and Mrs. Horan cheerfully waves them goodbye, the three boys adjust their cuffs and collars. They can hear the music blasting from inside, and the neon lights pouring out into the dark from the windows. The dance is taking place in the school gymnasium, and they make their way into the building with sweaty palms. 

The lobby of the school is packed with students trying to worm their way in through the doors, dressed to the nines with their soft dresses and slick suits. Some of the girls even have a little bit of a heel, but the ones who are daring enough to wear them are still slipping a little bit. 

Once they make it through the beaded entrance, the music is pounding against Louis's ears and the pink/purple lights are everywhere. The energy in the room is electric, and everyone seems to just be having a good time. They're jumping up and down to the music - or, at least, some of them are. A lot of students are also being serious wallflowers, which will probably be Louis's place pretty soon.

If he's craning his neck to spot a mess of curls, no one has to know. 

Niall is already drawn towards the dance floor, shuffling towards the center, so Zayn and Louis shrug at each other before following him into the fray. Louis feels severely out of place almost immediately, considering  _none_ of the sixth graders have found the guts to dance in the middle of all of these fourteen year olds, and he looks like a gnome compared to them. 

The boys, and even the girls, tower over him. He'd like to blame the heels, but he knows even without the shoes he would be tiny in comparison to them. Either way, he tries to have a good time and lose himself in the music. He and Zayn both are aware of their inability to move, so they laugh at each other's embarrassing moves. Louis does the 'sprinkler', and Zayn fires back with the 'credit card'. The dark haired boy bursts into fits of laughter when Louis starts doing 'The Macarena' to a song with which it definitely does not fit.

Some of the other students have even stopped dancing to laugh at their antics, and Louis blushes when he realizes so many eyes are on him. At the same time, though, he kind of loves it. He's making them laugh, and what's better than that. He and Zayn start doing synchronized, obnoxious hip thrusts, which has everyone throwing their heads back with laughter (though some of the onlooking parents don't look pleased). 

All of the sudden, a hand is grabbing Louis's shoulder and he whips his head around a little too quickly, probably due to the excitement. Harry is standing before him, who has recently gone through a growth spurt and now towers over his younger neighbor. He's got a big smile on his face, and he's dressed in a black suit - as is every other boy in the room. 

"You're hysterical, Louis," he says loudly over the music, and directly into his ear. Louis shrugs, ignoring the rose colored blush creeping onto his cheeks. When they pull away, a girl is suddenly standing beside Louis's friend, and he tries his best not to frown. "This is Alex," Harry gestures to her with a nod.

"It's so nice to meet you, I've heard a lot," she smiles widely, all pearly white teeth and clear skin. She's in a black, sequined dress and her hair is curled beautifully. Louis has no reason to dislike her, considering she seems friendly and they've only just met, and yet he does. Who is she to take his best friend? 

"Oh, I've heard a lot, too," Louis replies wryly. "And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Harry talks about you nonstop. It's just on and on and-" He's cut off by a hand clamping over his mouth, and he giggles through it. His neighbor's entire face is red, and he's shaking his head.

"Ignore him, he likes to embarrass me," he says quickly, and Louis wants to bite the hand currently muffling his words. Harry is smiling so prettily at the girl, and she pinches his cheek. Louis should be the one receiving such smiles. 

When he's finally released, he turns back to Zayn and Niall to return to dancing and try to forget the sick taste in his mouth upon having to watch his crush introduce him to someone leagues above Louis himself. She's older, more mature, less loud, and probably funnier too. And with Louis's luck, she's brilliant too. 

"You alright?" Niall practically screams over the music, pumping his fists and jumping up and down. His concerned look, matched with his dancing body, is a little bit comical, and Louis grins. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

~

The night goes better than planned, actually. Louis manages to dance until he's too sweaty to continue, and then runs into some of his classmates at the snack table. They're talking about how annoying their English homework is when he catches something in the corner of his eye that he really wishes he hadn't.

Harry's got one hand resting on Alex's cheek across the room, and he's nervously leaning in towards her. Louis can tell just by his body language that the boy is terrified. Nonetheless, from across the room, he watches Harry press their lips together and close his eyes. She kisses back, leaning into him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. They smile into the kiss, and Louis has to walk away. He actually  _felt_ the tug on his heart, that time.

"Lou? Hello? You alright?" His friend from science class is waving a hand in front of his face, and Louis blinks a few times. 

"Yeah! Sorry, just a bit tired," he admits with a quiet laugh, and the kid shrugs. "I'm gonna go get some air, it's stuffy in here," he says, before making his way towards the door. He pushes through people, ignoring their grunts and complaints, before he's exiting the gym and then the school. 

The immediate and harsh cold that hits him is sharp, but needed. He takes in a deep breath on the sidewalk and closes his eyes before planting himself on the curb, listening to the music coming from inside and staring at his dress shoes.

He knew this would happen eventually. He's not stupid enough to hold on to a false hope, a mere fantasy, but still, the heartbreak is here now and it's real. The stars seem to look down on him in pity, and he envies them. They never feel so broken and tossed aside. How could they? They shine brilliantly for all to see, separated from each other by a thick blackness. They can't get close enough to break each other into pieces. 

So why can't humans be the same?

Or more importantly, why can't Louis be straight? Why can't he find himself a nice girl like Alex, and talk to his friends about her, and think about her at night with a smile on his face instead of one of indifference? Harry has it so easy. Harry is living in his lovely dreamworld of romance and fun, blissfully unaware of the feelings he has mangled to a pulp while getting his first kiss tonight. His head is no doubt spinning right now, his entire body full to the brim with glee.

And where is Louis? Louis is sulking on a curb, staring at the yellow streetlights and bathing in the idea of feeling sorry for himself. 

He'll no doubt have to listen to Harry's account of this tomorrow, and he's already dreading it.

"I saw you leave," a voice hums quietly from behind Louis, and he's so startled that he yelps. Harry chuckles and plops down onto the curb beside him, elbows resting on the knees of his dress pants. He's alone, smiling softly, and letting his bicep brush his friend's. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Louis nods a little bit too quickly, before sighing. "I just didn't like how many people were in there."

"Really? That's surprising," Harry raises one brow and purses lips into a tight smirk. "You seemed to adore the attention when you were dancing, if I can even call it dancing-"

"Hey!" Louis frowns, and Harry puts an arm around him.

"But anyway, you're a natural born entertainer. People love you." 

_Yeah, but you don't._

"You think so?" He responds, and Harry nods with confidence.

"'Course I do. Would I lie to you?" He nudges Louis, and they both sway to the side. 

"Guess not. You're alright, Styles," he guiltily allows himself to rest his head on Harry's shoulder, even though he shouldn't. This really isn't going to help him push away his feelings, but oh well. He needs the comfort. 

"You're not so bad either, Tomlinson."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe the attention this story has gotten. thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, and left kudos. i can't thank you enough. reading these comments absolutely makes my day. i'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story, and i love the feedback!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are gay slurs used (briefly) in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I planned on this chapter being super long and awesome, but it got DELETED. i was so upset. anyway, i finally pulled together a replacement chapter (i didn't have the heart to rewrite my old one), and i hope you enjoy this! i'm happy with what came out of my frustrating disaster, lol.
> 
> as always, i love reading your feedback!

“I made the team!” Harry exclaims as he runs into Louis’s arms, and they wrap each other up in an excited embrace. He had been practicing for weeks to try out for the high school junior varsity soccer team, and now he’s standing in Louis’s foyer (sweaty and still wearing his cleats, mind you). 

“I’m so happy for you,” Louis breathes out a sigh, letting his eyes close and feeling himself relax into the hug. “I promise to come to all of your games,” 

“I’d be insulted if Baby Louis didn’t come to support me,” Harry grins widely, pressing a light kiss to the younger boy’s temple before ruffling his hair and shuffling into the house as if it’s his own. He’s spent the majority of his childhood in it, though, in his defense. 

“Where’s your mum?” He asks with a brow raised, and Louis huffs. 

“At work,” he shrugs. “I’m thirteen. I can be home alone.” 

“Oh, right,” Harry hums, as if he’d forgotten, before opening the fridge and rummaging through it for snacks. Louis hops up onto the kitchen counter, chin in his hands, and watches his best friend pull a water bottle out  and take large gulps. He didn’t even go home to shower or change, considering he’s still covered in dirt, and that pleases Louis. Harry couldn’t even clean himself before telling Louis the news. 

"How’s Alex?” He asks reluctantly, and the older boy shrugs before brushing his curls from his eyes and hopping up on the kitchen counter to face Louis. 

“Good, I guess. Nothing new. The first game is next week, so you’ll be there, right?”

“Obviously.”

~

And that’s how Louis finds himself, in seventh grade, standing in the midst of the metallic bleachers and cheering as loudly as he can as the junior varsity team jogs out onto the field in their matching green uniforms. Harry’s brows are furrowed and he looks serious, talking to another teammate before clapping him on the back.

It’s mid-October, and Louis is wrapped up in a large scarf and a sweater. Zayn is standing next to him with a jacket and a wool hat, hands in the air as he whoops and hollers for their home team. Niall and Liam are standing in the row just below them, bundled up in sweatshirts and earmuffs. 

Harry’s eyes scan the crowd for his friends, and when he sees them, he throws a hand up into the air. The boys, overly excited and pumped up by the exuberant crowd, erupt into cheers and spastically wave their arms through the air as a response. 

“Go Jaguars!” Niall screams at the top of his lungs, and some other students begin to belt out victory screeches as well. 

It’s then that Louis notices Alex is standing on the sidelines, and the curly haired boy jogs over to plant an open mouthed kiss on her mouth. 

He makes a big show of it, one hand on the back of her head and the other sliding up the back of her shirt, and the crowd roars with laughter and whistles. Harry giggles into the kiss, and she’s blushing. When he finally turns to join the rest of his team, he winks at her cheekily.

Louis wants to drop dead, basically.

“He always has to put on a show,” Zayn snorts, shaking his head as he stares at the spectacle. 

"Yeah,” Louis sighs, barely audibly, before the hysteria of the crowd dies down and everyone begins to take their seats. It’s tiring to stand for so long, after all.

The match goes extremely well. By the end of it, Louis’s voice hurts from yelling so loudly and his fingers are almost numb from the cold. The Jaguars win, mostly thanks to Harry. The curly haired boy immediately sprints off of the field, and pulls his girlfriend into his arms. He spins her into a circle and she repeatedly kisses his cheeks, his forehead, and his nose. 

Louis would do almost anything to be her. 

~

Later that evening, when the sun has long retreated and the stars are bright outside Louis’s window as he tries to get some homework done, his phone vibrates from its place on the idle desk. 

**_Harry:_ ** _movie night?_

_**Louis:** it’s 10 at night _

_**Harry:** yeah but its friday. we don't have school tomorrow so who cares? _

_**Louis:** k fine. bring goldfish._

_**Harry** : k. be there in 5, sweetcheeks xxxxx_

**Louis** _: xxx_

That’s how he ends up neglecting his argumentative essay on school dress codes and is instead curled into Harry’s side, as they two of them watch _The Proposal_ in his dark living room. 

His mother hadn’t minded when Harry had shown up at their front door with snacks and a big smile, because, why would she? The fifteen year old has turned up at later times with odder things in his hands throughout the years. 

“Thanks for coming to watch me play tonight,” Harry grumbles sleepily, his fingers toying with the hem of Louis’s shirt as he keeps his eyes focused on the screen.  “Coach says he might want me to play on Varsity next year, as a sophomore. Thinks I could even be captain as a junior.”

“Seriously?” Louis’s eyes widen, and he shifts to look Harry in the eyes. The boy is smiling sheepishly, his dimples showing and his cheeks pink. 

“Yeah. I’m really excited about it.” The light coming from the TV is splashing across Harry’s pale skin, and they’re both dressed in sweatpants and t-shirts, and Louis couldn’t be more happy. 

“Me too,” he murmurs, and has to stop himself when he realizes he’s staring at Harry’s mouth. For fuck’s sake, he’s so obvious that it’s embarrassing to even _him_.

They end up falling asleep on the sectional, the TV still on and the snacks strewn across the floor. Louis’s mother finds them still there Saturday morning, deep in slumber, Harry spooning Louis and snoring into his ear (And if she snaps a picture of it to send to Harry’s mother, no one has to know).   


 ~

“Something wrong, Harry?” Liam asks with furrowed brows, after watching his curly haired friend aimlessly pick at his school lunch for about ten minutes. 

The cafeteria at the high school is a lot louder than the one in the middle school, and they’re still adjusting to the new school. The seniors don’t give them the time of the day, nor do any other upperclassmen, and it’s odd to them. After all, last year, they were the kings of middle school; the oldest and the most experienced with life. Now, they feel like children all over again. 

The only exception is Harry. He’s good enough at footie that he’s earned some attention from members of the varsity team, who have already assumed he’ll be joining them next year and have begun to chat with him in the hallways.

“Yeah,” the boy hums, a bit sadly. Alex stops chewing on her sandwich to give him a concerned look, and the table falls silent. “It’s nothing, really,” the boy laughs it off, rolling his eyes at them. “It’s just a bit sad we can’t sit with Lou anymore, innit? Since he’s still at the middle school?”

“Yeah, I miss it,” Niall agrees solemnly. “But he’ll be here next year,” and then the blonde is beaming again, happily digging into his burrito, and seemingly physically unable to remain morose for more than minutes at a time. 

 ~

Louis _despises_ this stupid junior high school and the fact that it’s keeping him from his friends. He’s grumbling as he stuffs his gym clothes into his locker, already late for his next class (it’s not his fault his jeans take forever to get on). 

There’s no one else left in the room, or so he assumed, and he lets out a sigh that echoes off of the tiled walls. As he’s hastily zipping his backpack up, it’s snatched out of his grasp by Hayden Peters, one of his classmates, and thrown to the floor. 

“What the fu-“ Louis doesn’t have time to speak before the boy is shoving him into a locker. He winces as the back of his head makes contact with the metal, and puts his hands on the kid’s chest to push him back. 

“Fucking _faggot_ ,” the boy spits, and - what? _Faggot?_ Is this a coincidence, is this boy just using that word to try to insult him, or does he think Louis is gay? 

“What?” Louis demands, the two of them standing a foot or two apart now, fists clenched and breaths heavily. 

“You heard me,” the red haired boy snarls. “You gay piece of shit.” 

Before the blue eyed boy can react, or even begin to question how this boy could possibly know something like that, Hayden’s fist winds back before making contact with Louis’s face. He can feel it beginning to swell almost instantly, and stumbles backwards a few feet as he cries out in pain.

“Are you serious?” Louis wails, before lunging forward and tackling the boy to the ground. Everything turns to a bit of a blur after that, just kicks and screams and punches and rolling around on the cold floor.

He manages to get the upper hand, for only a second, and pins the boy down onto the floor. He knees him in the stomach, but he knows it won’t be like this for long.

“What’s your problem?” He demands, and the boy smirks. He fucking _smirks_ while he’s attempting to kick Louis’s ass.

“Sick people like you need to be put in their place,” he spits out. 

Now, Louis may be agile, but he doesn’t have enough strength to win this fight. And he knows it. Almost as if to prove his point, Hayden kicks his gut swiftly before standing up and fleeing the locker room, presumably to avoid a teacher finding them in that state.

_Well, fuck,_ Louis thinks as he tries to collect himself enough to move on to his next class. He picks himself up off of the floor, takes a minute to catch his breath, and dusts the dirt off of his jeans that had been picked up from the disgusting floor. 

He hasn’t told a soul that he likes boys - does he just come off as gay? Does he fit any of the stereotypes? Do people assume?

And is it possible to still be so homophobic in this day and age? 

He’s fucked.

~

“Care to explain to me why you have a black eye?!” Louis’s mother demands, not seconds after he’s stepped into the house, and his head begins to pound from the noise. 

“Mum, please, I’ve got a headache-“ he whines, shuffling into the kitchen and tossing his backpack onto an empty chair. He hasn’t looked at himself in the mirror yet, but he can only assume he doesn’t look too great right now. “Um, how bad is it?”

“It’s pretty damn bad, Louis! You’re purple,” she looks mortified, reaching out to cup his face in her hands and kiss his forehead. “Who did this to you? What happened?” 

“I got into a fight. But before you get mad at me, it was self defense,” Louis exhales as he says it, so weary from the day that he just wants to sleep. 

“What? Who would try to fight you?” His mother is furious, beginning to pace the kitchen. She opens the freezer and grabs an icepack. “Put this on your head. I’m calling the school-“

“Mum, don’t, please-“

“No, Louis. You’re gonna tell me who did this, and I’m gonna call the school. It’s final. I know you don’t want to seem like a snitch, or something ridiculous like that, but no one hits my child and gets away with it.” 

Now he’s double fucked. 

~

Thankfully, his mother allows him to stay home the next day. It’s not that he’s in pain, because really, he’s fine. However, Louis doesn’t want to have to leave the house and chance bumping into one of his neighbors at the bus stop or something.

How is he supposed to tell them what happened?

He doesn’t think lowly enough of them to assume they wouldn’t like him anymore simply for being gay, but would their dynamic change? Would the boys still be as eager to hug him, or would they fear Louis would gain romantic feelings for one of them? 

_ Well. Too late. _

Would they think back on their sleepovers and suddenly feel violated and disgusted? They might be okay with him liking boys, but they might not be okay with being so close to him once finding out they could be subject to his attraction. 

His thoughts are interrupted when there’s a knock on the door, and Harry peeks his head into the room. He’s got a beanie on his head, and his jaw nearly hits the floor when he see’s Louis’s face. 

“My god, it’s worse than your mum said,” he chokes out, and Louis snorts upon seeing his wide eyes and grey face. The boy looks ill.

“Thanks. Good to see you too.” Well, so much for avoiding him. He can only assume that at this point, or in the very near future, the other boys will know as well. Harry cautiously takes a seat on the edge of the bed, and looks so sad that Louis wants to cry. He hates when he knows that the older boy feels bad for him. He wants no pity, ever.

“Why would someone do that?” His brows are pulled together. “Just randomly attack you like that.. Something must be seriously wrong with him, yeah?”

“Well, yeah, definitely,” Louis agrees, his eyes cast down at the floor. And on a whim, on a random moment of carelessness, he blurts out something he probably shouldn’t have. “But there’s something I have to tell you. There's a reason he did it.”

Harry doesn’t even flinch, just crawls onto the bed and sits beside Louis. Their backs are against the headboard, shoulders touching. 

“Go on, you can tell me,” the boy murmurs. Louis squeezes his eyes shut as tight as he can. Maybe after he says it aloud, he’ll wake up alone in his room and it will all have been a dream.

“I’m gay.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like this one! i love hearing that you're enjoying this story as much as i am. i'll admit this one is a bit of a filler, but i promise the next one will be great. 
> 
> NOTE: i don't know the exact age difference between louis and his sisters, and i obviously sort of spitballed it. it's probably inaccurate... but then again, this entire story is fictional. so.

_“Well, yeah, definitely,” Louis agrees, his eyes cast down at the floor. And on a whim, on a random moment of carelessness, he blurts out something he probably shouldn’t have. “But there’s something I have to tell you. There's a reason he did it.”_

_Harry doesn’t even flinch, just crawls onto the bed and sits beside Louis. Their backs are against the headboard, shoulders touching._

_“Go on, you can tell me,” the boy murmurs. Louis squeezes his eyes shut as tight as he can. Maybe after he says it aloud, he’ll wake up alone in his room and it will all have been a dream._

_“I’m gay.”_

Harry stills, no longer shuffling his feet or running a hand through his hair. He turns to look at Louis’s face, and the boy can feel the eyes on him, but Louis can’t bring himself to return the stare. He takes a deep breath. 

“It’s not that I wanted to tell anyone, I mean, my family doesn’t even know, and I-“

“Why didn’t you tell _me_?” Harry demands sourly, arms crossed over his chest. He’s leaning closer now, and Louis is actually going to implode from the pressure. He feels as though he’s in a glass box right now, and the entire world is watching him and laughing. 

“Because it’s easier said than done,” Louis scoffs. “It’s hard enough to admit it to myself.” 

Harry doesn’t have a rebuttal for that, so he just winds an arm around Louis’s shoulder and pulls him to his chest. They end up lying like that, Louis pressed into Harry’s shirt and Harry staring up at the ceiling. 

“You could have told me,” he murmurs finally. “You know I don’t care about that kind of stuff.” 

“I know, I just.” Louis looks for the words. “I didn’t want you to think it’s weird when we do stuff like this,” he gestures to their current position, wrapped up in each other’s warmth. Harry scoffs.

“Oh please, Baby Louis. I’m not one of those pricks who assumes just because you’re gay, you’re attracted to me. Give me some credit.”

_How ironic_. Louis says to himself sadly. _I’m very much attracted to you._

“But anyway, how did you figure it out? Do you like someone?” Harry taps his fingers on Louis’s back, and Louis purses his lips. 

“Well, I do like someone, but I don’t think he’s the reason I know. I think I’ve known, subconsciously, for a long time. Thinking about him just, I dunno, it helped me fully understand it? If that makes sense.” 

“Oh, okay,” Harry hums, pulling Louis tighter against his chest. He’s less relaxed now, his voice taut and his arms hugging the boy to him in an almost painful fashion. “So. Who is he, then?” 

_ Good God. _

“You don’t know him,” Louis sputters quickly. “He’s in my grade.”

“I’ve met some of your friends, though,” Harry reasons, and Louis shakes his head. He's so fucked. This is terrible. Harry is so damn oblivious to all of this, to how Louis is falling apart piece by piece as he lies through his teeth. 

“Not this one,” he promises him. The curly haired boy is about to drop the subject, but he doesn’t have to, because Louis’s mother is peeking her head through the door.

“Boys?” She makes presence known. “I’ve got dinner made, if you want some,” and then she’s gone, the door softly clicking shut behind her.

As they rise up from the bed and straighten out their wrinkled clothes, Harry ruffles the hair on Louis's forehead and opens his mouth to speak.

“Don’t worry, alright? A Baby Louis who likes boys is my Baby Louis all the same.”

Would he still feel the same if he knew that _he_  is the boy Louis wants for himself more than anything else?

~ 

Louis is given the best news in weeks when finds out that Alex and Harry have broken up. Like most relationships at this age, they had simply lost interest in one another and moved on. He’s so gloriously and deliriously happy that he has to physically make an effort to frown when his best friend tells him about it. 

But now, luckily, the five of them can hang out without her presence. It feels like old times again, and for that, Louis is grateful. He has a feeling the other boys are glad of it, too. 

He climbs out of his mother’s car in front of the movie theater, where his friends are waiting for him in cozy winter clothes. Their breaths linger in the air, condensing into thick white water vapor that pours from their mouths. 

Louis is going to jog up to join them, money for a ticket in his pocket, when his mother stops him  (much to his horror). She, too, has left the car, and is holding him by the shoulders. 

“This is your first time at the movies without me,” she reasons. “So be careful, okay? Stick with the boys. And don’t spend too much on candy, or you can’t get a tick-“

"Mum, please!” Louis whispers, embarrassed, his cheeks bright pink. And not from the cold. “I’ll be fine.” 

She nods, sighs, and kisses him on the forehead before hopping back into her car and driving off. He stands there for a second, shocked and humiliated, by the fact that his friends all just witnessed that. 

“C’mon, Baby Lou,” Niall beckons him over from behind his snickering, and Louis growls at him. 

“Shut up, alright?” He insists, but Liam just claps him on the back. 

“It’s so cute that our Baby Louis got a kiss from his mummy,” he coos, and Louis shoves the boy’s hand off of his shoulder. 

“Your mums all did the same exact thing when you were thirteen!” He insists, and Harry grins at him from behind his big, comfortable looking hat. It’s got a little ball at the top, and Louis can’t stand how adorable he looks right now - even if he’s laughing at him.

“It was cute, Louis,” he promises, but he’s giggling, and Louis wants to fight all of them in the street _right now._

“Whatever, can we please go inside now? Before I freeze my balls off?” 

“Oh, wow, your balls dropped?” Niall widens his eyes dramatically, hands on his cheeks.

“Niall Horan, I will _fucking_ end you,” Louis lunges towards the blonde, who bursts into a fit of laughter as Harry pulls him away. He feels his back colliding with Harry’s chest, curls tickling his face as the boy soothes him. 

Lips to Louis’s hear, he chuckles quietly, and murmurs,

“Hey, we’re just kidding you, Lovely.”

And suddenly, Louis is not so furious. And just maybe, he later pretends to be afraid of the movie they’re watching so Harry will hold his hand for comfort. 

~

The family meeting Louis’s mother has called seems normal enough, until he sees Harry and his mother sitting on the living room couch. Harry seems just as confused as he is, but motions for the younger boy to sit down beside him by patting his hand on the cushion. 

His mum calls these ‘family meetings’ quite often, but usually to arrange chore duties between Louis and Lottie, or for when she told her other children she was pregnant with Felicite. 

So what the hell is this all about? Is she pregnant again? But then again, why would Harry and his mother be here for that announcement? 

His mother has got a giggly toddler on her lap and her daughter, six years old, sitting beside her. 

“Miss Anne and I have an announcement to make,” Jay chirps happily, looking so excited that she’s about to burst. Louis looks to Harry’s mother, who is also grinning from ear to ear. 

“We’ve been wanting to do something special with all of you over Christmas holiday, and we decided that both of our families are going to spend the break from school in Disney World.”

Louis sister is screaming immediately, hardly a second after the words leave Harry’s mother’s mouth, and running about the room with excitement. Fizzy giggles from her spot on her mother’s lap, and Jay leans down to her.

“You’re going to meet Cinderella, my love,” she insists, and the girl is instantly squealing with delight. 

Louis is going on vacation with Harry. _Oh, good._ This won’t feed into his unbreakable crush.

~

The night before they have to leave for the airport, Harry and Miss Anne sleep over at the Tomlinson household, just to make it easier for everyone in the morning. Harry’s mother takes the guest room, and Louis takes the floor while Harry sleeps in his bed. 

Harry had told him it wouldn’t be weird to them if they shared, but Louis had denied him anyway. 

Waking up next to a sleepy and cuddly Harry is the _last_ thing he needs.

Their bags were packed and prepared by the door for the morning departure, and the girls had been giddy for weeks. 

Louis’s mother creeps into the dark room at four in the morning and wakes the sleeping boys, who groan and grumble before sitting up. When she leaves to tend to her daughters, Harry leans over to Louis’s bedside table to flick the light on, and a yellow glow fills the room.

They dress silently and quickly, before stumbling out of the door and practically dragging themselves down the stairs. Louis’s eyes aren’t even open for half of his journey to the kitchen. Harry’s mother, already looking happy and fully awake, is putting granola bars in each of their hands.

“I know you’re probably not hungry, since it’s so early, but it’s a long drive to the airport. So eat up,” she insists, and Louis is so exhausted that he forgets to open the package and bites down on it, wrapping and all.

Harry laughs a little too loudly for such an ungodly hour, and Louis only shoots him a look.

~

By the time they’re all seated, Louis is grateful for his mother’s minivan for once. He and Harry are in the third row, while his two sisters sit in the middle. 

Despite the three seats, Harry had sat in the middle to be closer to the younger boy. They’ve got a blanket wrapped around the two of them, and it’s not seconds before the fifteen year old collapses onto Louis’s shoulder. His mouth parts, his eyes close, and he looks so peaceful and gorgeous that Louis wants to _cry._

Cautiously, he allows his own head to rest on top of Harry’s, and the soft feeling of curls brushing against his cheek and the rolling movement of the car lulls him to sleep once more.

~

As they board the plane, the sun is rising and the sky is melting into soft hues of pinks and purples and pale blues. Neither Louis nor Harry brought a carry-on bag, but Louis’s mother had to bring one for the sake of Fizzy and her many needs. 

Harry takes the large duffel from Jay and puts it into the overhead compartment, and she smiles widely at him. Louis swallows thickly as he watches in awed silence at how easily Harry handles the heavy bag, his shirt riding up a little and exposing his stomach as he reaches for the compartment. 

“Thank you, what a strong young gentleman,” she jokes with him. “God, I remember when you were the tiniest baby. And now you’re helping me with my bags.”

Harry beams at her, before taking his seat next to Louis. The two of them stare out the window in silence, but Harry has to lean closer to see it. He’s hovering over Louis, completely enclosed within the personal space bubble, and the younger of the two adores it.

“What are you smiling about, Tomlinson?” Harry whispers quietly, as it’s early in the morning and most people look absolutely miserable to be boarding the plane. 

“Nothing,” Louis shrugs. “Just excited for this trip. Aren’t you?” 

They’re inches apart, now, Harry’s hands on Louis’s armrests and his entire body twisted to hover over the younger boy. 

“Of course I am,” Harry pinches Louis’s cheek, before leaning in to kiss it. It feels like it lasts longer than their usual cheek kisses, which tend to be so brief and friendly that Louis hardly feels them. 

This one is less of an innocent peck though, lips pressed firmly to face. 

His entire body is on fire. Is he imagining or exaggerating this?

When Harry pulls away, his eyelids are hooded and he looks sleepy again. He doesn’t say anything, just blinks slowly at Louis before settling back into his seat and lolling his head to the side. 

The plane takes flight soon after that, and so does Louis’s heart. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! another update! eeeep!

Louis wakes up thousands of miles into the air with his head leant against the cool glass window, and his blanket slipping off of his shoulders. He tugs it back up around his neck, mostly for comfort rather than warmth, and smacks his lips together. The ocean stretches on for miles, but it’s day now, as opposed to dusk.

 He slowly turns his head to the left, still waking up, and blinks a few times before his eyes are able to focus on Harry. The boy is already awake, with headphones in his ears and seemingly wrapped up in whatever movie he’s watching.

Louis decides not to disturb him, and so he turns his own seat television on flips through the few channels he’s offered until he finds something he’s interested in. Somewhere behind him, he can hear his little sister chattering excitedly to Harry’s mum about how she _can’t_ wait to give Ariel a hug. 

The blue-eyed boy smiles to himself, wondering what it would be like to listen to his own daughter chirp at him as they sit on a flight to Disney World. Maybe Harry would be sitting beside him, holding another baby in his lap. 

He’s dragged out of his fantasy by the loudspeaker, telling them that they’ll be landing in approximately thirty minutes. 

 ~

The hotel suite is gorgeous, with a view of the resort’s pool from the balcony and multiple rooms to accommodate the number of people living in it for the next couple of days. 

“If you boys want to go down to the pool, we can meet you down there in about an hour,” Jay says to the teenagers, who nod eagerly. Once they’re changed into their suits and prepared to leave, holding towels and sunscreen, they exit the room and begin heading down towards the elevator at the end of the corridor. 

“I’m so excited for tomorrow,” Louis gushes, and Harry nods along with him. 

“Me too. Race me?” He raises a mischievous brow, and Louis chews on his lip excitedly. 

“Okay. Three… Two…” Harry takes off on two, and Louis squeaks in surprise and anger. “Hey!” He shouts, before sprinting off after him. 

When they reach the elevator, they both have to step inside and patiently wait for the doors to open in complete, still silence. But as soon as they’re on the lobby floor, they’re running as quickly as they can manage.

Once Louis is outside, surrounded by laughing children and sunbathing parents, he jumps off of the concrete and wraps his arms around his legs, canon-balling into the clear blue water and creating a huge splash. Once he surfaces, Harry is diving in after him with a severe amount of grace. 

They tread water about a foot apart, laughing until their lungs hurt, so they swim to the side to grab onto the ledge. 

“I win,” Louis boasts, smiling so widely that wrinkles form in the corners of his eyes. Harry rolls his eyes, and splashes a bit of water onto him.

“I let you win,” he mutters, and Louis rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” 

~

Disney World is everything that Louis dreamed it would be. They walk down the Main Street of the Magic Kingdom in absolute awe. The entire park is dressed up for Christmas, with tinsel and lights hanging from wires and trees and bells and presents and so much more that Louis’s head is spinning.

“Mum, can Louis and I get the Mickey Mouse ears?” Harry pleads as they pass one of the carts that sells the headpieces, and she nods. 

“Well, duh, Harry. It’s not a trip to Disney without them,” she insists, nudging them along. Harry and Louis choose the traditional pair, while Lottie grabs for a Minnie Mouse pair, and his mother picks a pink pair for Fizzy. 

Once they’re bought, and the boys are wearing their hats, Harry grabs Louis’s hand and tugs him to stand before the castle.

“Take a picture of us like this with my phone, please,” the curly haired boy says to his mother, before wrapping one arm around Louis’s waist and grinning like mad. Louis does the same, smiling from ear to ear, as both mothers point their cameras at the boys. 

In just a minute, Harry is showing Louis his phone happily. 

“Look, Baby Louis. It’s already my background,” he giggles. And sure enough, there they are, standing close and smiling in front of a glittering and spectacular castle. Louis wants to tattoo that picture onto his goddamn face, it’s so perfect. 

“Send it to me,” he demands, before they continue walking down the road and further into the park. He wants to reach for Harry’s hand and hold it, maybe stop him in the middle of his beautifully decorated avenue and stand up on his tip toes to kiss him, but he doesn’t. 

“We’ve got reservations for Breakfast with Mickey,” Harry’s mother tells them, glancing down at her map and furrowing her brows. “But I can’t really figure out where it is.”

Jay lets her eyes scan the page, and uses the free hand that isn’t holding Fizzy to point her finger at one of the locations. “I believe it’s this one,” she decides.

Breakfast with Mickey turns out to have some of the best waffles Louis has ever tasted, and not just because they’re in the shape of a cartoon mouse. 

“Taste a bite of these pancakes, they’re awesome,” Harry says through a mouthful of food. His mother shoots him a look, and he shrugs. Meanwhile, Louis dips his fork onto Harry’s plate and takes a bite of the piece he’s taken.

“Oh my God, these are awesome,” he agrees, before going for another bite.

“Hey! I said one bite, they’re mine,” Harry pouts playfully, before reaching over to steal some of Louis’s waffle. They’re laughing as they fight to nab the other’s breakfast, and it escalates until they’ve forgotten the food and are full on attempting to wrestle in the small booth. Harry restrains Louis from using his arms, and the younger boy tries to wiggle free.

“Boys, _please_ ,” Jay snaps, embarrassed, and they sit up straight.

“Sorry,” the two mutter in unison, fighting back more giggles.

~

The rides are spectacular, of course, even the babyish ones that they ride for Lottie’s sake. 

Louis eats so much junk food that he feels as though he’ll burst, and all of the singing and dancing has got him into such a gleeful mood. 

He can tell that Harry feels the same, judging by his constant smile as he looks from left to right in awe. The ears look absolutely adorable on him, poking out from his curls and framing his big, green eyes.

As it begins to get dark, the families make their way back to Cinderella’s castle to ensure they’ll have a good spot for the fireworks and the parade.

And as they stand in the midst of a crowd of people, Louis is the most aware of Harry’s presence beside him. They wave to the iconic characters passing them by on holiday themed floats; thousands of fairy lights decorating the park. 

There are wreaths everywhere, and Louis is overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of it.

“Isn’t it lovely?” He asks Harry, who hums something that sounds like an agreement. The music is making his heart dance, and he’s shuffling from foot to foot in excitement. 

Their mothers are talking to Louis’s little sisters, shouting things out like,

“Look, Lottie! Here comes Snow White!” or “Fizzy, it’s Woody and Buzz!” 

The parade ends, and the fireworks explode in the sky from behind the castle. The crowd cheers, parents crying and children squealing, and Harry takes Louis’s hand as their eyes are lit up by the glittery sky. 

His entire arm feels as though it has just been ignited with a match. He is on fire, his smaller hand trapped in Harry’s own, and he’s glad they’re not looking at each other - because his face is probably so red right now that he could pass for an oversized apple.

As the show moves into its finale, fireworks left and right bursting into the sky and scattering into the darkness, Harry hastily pulls Louis against his chest and smashes their lips together. 

Louis doesn’t have time to think, because the other boy is pulling him so close that the breath is knocked out of him. His eyes are squeezed shut, and Louis is so shocked that he hasn’t moved yet.

He finally collects himself and kisses back, closing his own eyes and melting into Harry. It’s desperate and eager, both of them moving quickly and making small noises of contentment. Harry tastes like cotton candy, the food he had happily shared with Louis just an hour before.

Louis finds himself bringing his arms up to tangle into the curly hair he loves so much. His neighbor’s lips feel so _smooth_ and _soft_ and this is it, this is how he’s going to die. 

Harry pulls away, still holding him, and he stiffens. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, despite the noise of the crowd and the music. Louis is close enough to hear it. “I got caught up in the moment and, yeah.” He’s blushing. “I’m sorry, Louis.”

“Me too,” Louis nods quickly, and they release each other. “We can just pretend it didn’t happen. I got a little too excited, as well.”

Harry looks relieved, so Louis tries to look equally so. There is still an awkward air between them, though, so they make sure their hands don’t even brush as they watch the rest of the show. 

Their mums, obliviously standing in front of them, with their backs turned to the situation, cheer as the fireworks come to a close.

Louis is wilting as they turn to make their way towards the exit. Harry doesn’t so much as look at him, not that he wants him to. He doesn’t think he’s a good enough actor to hide his sadness.

Despite the heartbreak, the one he knew was coming, he wouldn’t trade it away. His lips are still stinging from the feeling of Harry’s, his chest aching from the fact that their beating hearts had been so close.

Sure, they had laid together on the couch, or hugged even, but never before has his lifelong friend held him so tight that Louis physically had the breath knocked out of him. He refrains from running the couple of steps to catch up with Harry and kiss him again, because he already misses the feeling.

Instead, he watches the boy’s back as they exit the park. 

 ~

 That night, for once, Louis is thankful that he and Harry aren’t sharing rooms. He’s in his own bed, his younger sister in the twin bed next to his, and he opens his phone underneath the covers. The light nearly blinds him, and he grimaces as he lowers the brightness and opens up his messaging app. Apparently, Zayn texted him a few minutes ago.

  ** _Zayn:_** _how’s florida????_

_**Louis** : it’s great. but if i tell u something, promise to keep it to urself?_

_**Zayn** : yeah, of course. what is it_

_**Louis** : harry kissed me_

_**Zayn:** WHAT HTE FUKC_

_**Louis** : full on the lips and i kissed back_

_**Zayn** : I DONT UNDERSTAND_

_**Louis** : well we both said it was an accident and just the excitement getting to us. so._

_**Zayn** : my mind just exploded_

_**Louis** : i didn’t want it to be an accident._

_**Zayn** : wait, you’re gay? you like harry?_

_**Louis** : yeah. _

_**Zayn** : wtf. how did i not know this?_

_**Louis** : no one does. except you. well, harry knows i’m gay. but not that i like him._

_**Zayn** : oh. well, trust me. i thought harry was straight, but if he were to like a boy, it’d be you._

_**Louis** : thanks, but he doesn’t like me. _

_**Zayn** : are you gonna be ok?_

_**Louis** : yep, i’ll be fine. after all, i’m in the happiest place on earth._

Louis turns his phone off and puts it on the nightstand. He rolls over, closes his eyes, and tries to cleanse his mind of Harry’s smile. However, despite his best efforts, it haunts his thoughts until he’s asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zayn's reaction to the news is literally me


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments, as always, are greatly appreciated :) your feedback is awesome, guys. i love it.

The resort pool really is astounding. The water is the clearest of blue, and waterfalls tumble into it from artificial rocks. There are slides, coves, and caves to explore, and the sun beats down on all of the hotel guests until they are drenched in warmth. 

It’s such a nice break from December in England, and Louis is sprawled out on a pool chair, sleepily basking in the weather. His sunglasses are covering his closed eyes, and he doesn’t see Harry approach him. 

“Louis?” _Shit._ He sits up right and pulls his glasses up onto his forehead to look up at the boy. Harry’s got his bathing suit on, and a gray tee shirt. He looks concerned. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” 

Louis stands to his feet and glances over at their mothers, splashing around with the girls in the kiddie section of the pool. 

“Alright,” he shrugs, and Harry nods his head, gesturing for Louis to follow him. They walk along the side of the pool until they reach a makeshift cove, underneath one of the waterfalls. The sound of the cascading water is loud enough for their voices to be drowned out, and they’re alone. 

“What is it, then?” Louis asks, attempting to mask his fear. Is Harry going to tell them they can’t be friends anymore? He wants to pull his knees to his chest, but he doesn’t.

“I realized I stole your first kiss from you,” Harry whimpers, suddenly breaking down into look of absolute despair. “And I’ve felt like shit ever since I thought of that. I’m so sorry, I’m such a bad friend-“

“Harry, it’s fine,” Louis stops him, with a hand on his arm and a weak smile. “I had my first kiss under the fireworks at the Cinderella castle in Disney World,” he laughs quietly. “So I’d say that’s pretty alright, despite the fact that it happened with my best friend.” 

Harry sighs, but smiles back as well. He seems embarrassed just to be talking about it, but if it gets a weight off of his chest, Louis is glad they could clear the air.

~

_2 Years Later_

It’s Louis’s first day of high school, and he’s going to shit his pants if he doesn’t calm down. He’s shoving books into his brand new locker, surrounded by rowdy students (most of them much bigger than he is) who are greeting their friends they haven’t seen in three months. 

It’s such a large building, and people have so much school spirit here. There are ‘ _Go Jaguars!’_ posters absolutely everywhere. His eyes are assaulted with the school colors (green and white). He’s yet to see any of his friends yet, and he probably won’t all day. He glances down at his schedule, and reads the room number for his first class once again. 

“204” He memorizes aloud, before closing the locker and taking a deep breath. His phone buzzes in his pocket, so he leans against the wall to stay out of everybody’s way and read the text.

**_Harry_ ** _:_ _u getting to class ok?_

_**Louis** : 204 is on the second floor right?_

_**Harry** : yes. all of the 200’s are on the second floor._

_**Louis** : ok. thank you_

_**Harry** : no prob. see u later, sweets x _

_**Louis** : x_

When Louis finally makes it to his first period class, which is Biology, he’s shellshocked when he finds that Liam is sitting in one of the seats towards the back. He scrambles to get to him and claims the vacant desk beside the boy; looking at him in surprise.

“Liam? The hell are you doing in a freshman class?” He asks, bewildered.

“Well, I took Chemistry my first year instead of Biology. So I’m just taking it now,” he shrugs, smiling and clearly happy to see someone he knows. That makes both of them. 

~

Lunch, thankfully, Louis has with his four other friends. Zayn had walked with him through the lunch line, and now they’re taking their seats at the rectangular table. Harry motions with his head for Louis to sit beside him as he chews.

Harry’s side is so familiar that it calms his excited heart, which is a nice thought. He’s spent so much time sitting or standing so close to the boy that the feeling of their arms pressing together is comfortable.

“Are you going to try out for the footie team?” Niall asks with a curious brow, after taking a sip of his water. Louis shrugs, and pretends he hadn’t sat up all night last night debating it.

“I dunno. Why didn’t you all?” He looks to Liam, Niall, and Zayn, who all have different excuses. Zayn spends most of his time in the art room, and has no time. Niall’s doctor advised against it with his bad knee. Liam just didn’t want to commit, and didn’t think he was good enough.

“Do it,” Harry interjects, looking down at Louis from his spot. He’s gotten so much taller since he was fifteen; now seventeen and towering over Louis with broad shoulders. “It’s a really great time, we’d have fun.”

“But you’re on varsity,” Louis argues, and Harry shakes his head.

“We practice together, though, and I’m technically captain of both teams.” 

“Oh. Alright, I’ll think about it,” he shrugs. “When’s the tryouts?” 

“Today,” Harry scoffs. “After school. Haven’t you seen the flyers?” 

_Oh. Well. Not much time to think, then._

 ~

This is how Louis ends up standing in the middle of the field, damp from the afternoon’s rain, surrounded by other hopeful freshman, desperate to make the team.

Harry is standing before them, along with another boy Louis doesn’t recognize, arms crossed over their chests. The curly haired boy isn’t even looking at him; pretending he doesn’t know who he is. 

Louis knows why, though. Before they had gone outside, Harry had approached him in the locker room and quietly told him that they couldn’t be friends during the tryouts.

_“Don’t make it obvious we know each other well,” Harry had warned, and Louis was honestly just trying to ignore the fact that the older boy was shirtless._

_“Okay,” he had replied._

_“I don’t want anyone to think I had picked you for the team for any reasons other than that you deserved it, when you make it.” He insists._

_“How are you so sure I’ll make it?” Louis demands._

_“Because you’re fantastic. See you out there, mate.”_

And now here they are, outside during this gray afternoon and listening to Harry rattle on about how this team has a reputation for being one of the best in their league, and these boys need to be on top of the ball today. 

“We’re going to play a mock game today, and that’s how we’ll decide if you should be on this team or not,” Harry further explains, before dividing the kids into two groups. He points to Louis’s team, and hands one of the kids a bag.

“You’ll be wearing blue shirts, and you guys,” he hands a bag to the other team, “will be wearing red. Blue, head over to that side.” He uses his arm to direct them to the far end of the field. 

Louis shoves the blue garment over his head. It smells like sweat and gym floor. Lovely.

The game goes swimmingly for him. He score two goals, but doesn’t play much defense. He doesn’t want to be seen as a ball hog, and tries to pass as much as he can.

Throughout the match, makes subtle glances Harry’s way, and the boy occasionally nods at him. Sometimes smiling, just slightly, before returning to converse with his peer on the sidelines. 

The stress of the moment is overwhelming. He’s sweaty from both the physical exercise and the mental pressure. He wants to make the team so badly, and not even because he’s so passionate about the sport. He needs something to keep him entertained after school, and what would be better than spending his days with Harry?

Some of the other boys are extremely good, and others, not so much. He doesn’t know where he fits into the mix for comparison.

However, once it’s long over and he’s at home in his bed, he gets a text from Harry. Louis is freshly showered and in clean clothes, about to begin getting his homework sorted out. He glances down at his phone, lying on the blanket, and picks it up. 

**_Harry:_ ** _i shouldn’t tell you this, but you made the team._

**_Louis:_ ** _SERIOUSLY_

**_Harry:_ ** _yep. don’t tell anyone. you’ll know for real on friday._

**_Louis:_ ** _im so happy!_

**_Harry:_ ** _we’ll celebrate with the lads on friday and go out to eat at that retro diner._

**_Louis:_ ** _i love that one._

**_Harry:_ ** _i know, why do you think i suggested it?_

~

On Friday, the five boys are all crammed into a small, red booth and drinking milkshakes. The 50’s themed restaurant really does look authentic, and it isn’t as corny as some of the others Louis has been to. Perhaps that’s why he likes it so much.

“There weren’t many fantastic things about the 50’s, considering it was still a time of institutionalized racism and sexism, but they surely had cute style,” Zayn muses with his lips around his straw, and Niall grins.

“And good burgers.”

‘How would you know?” Liam rolls his eyes. “You weren’t alive in the 50’s.” 

“I’ve seen pictures,” Niall reasons defensively. “I know a good burger when I see one.”

Harry laughs at the conversation, and he’s got one arm around Louis’s waist as they await their ordered food. Louis needs to stop drinking his milkshake so fast, or he won’t have any for while he’s eating. He always has that problem.

“So, honestly, how much nepotism was involved in Louis being chosen?” Zayn asks with a cheeky brow, and Harry furrows his own brows. His arm tightens its hold against Louis.

“I’ll have you know, he was excellent. And it was George who suggested we take him first.” Louis can only assume the other boy watching them play was George. “So I don’t want anybody telling me he got his spot through favoritism.”

Louis likes the attention from Harry, but he also doesn’t like when the boy tries to fight his battles. The effort is appreciated, and yet it only reminds Louis that Harry sees him as a little brother of sorts... Someone he needs to protect, which Louis doesn’t want. 

Before their food reaches them, a girl who isn’t their waitress is standing in front of their table. The boys focus on her curiously. She seems sort of nervous, and about their age.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she sighs. “But my friend, who is sitting with me a few booths down, thinks you,” she points to Louis. “are lovely, and he asked me to give you his number.” 

She hands the boy a piece of paper, and apologizes again for the disturbance.

“Hold on, why couldn’t he deliver it himself?” Niall asks, and Louis is too flattered to think of such questions. The girl smiles.

“He’s extremely shy. Almost to a fault.” And then she’s gone, and Louis is baffled. He thinks he’s being pranked, but all of the digits are there. They all turn their heads to watch her return to her booth, where a few kids their age are sitting, and one of them is blushing in Louis’s direction. And _oh,_ he’s cute.

Harry’s grip is so tight on Louis’s waist now that it’s painful. The curly haired boy plucks the paper from Louis’s hand, rips it into tiny pieces, and lets them fall to the floor. The other four boys stare at him with their jaws almost on the floor, and he shrugs.

“What? He’s supposed to text this _stranger_ and meet up with him somewhere or something? No thanks. He’ll end up dead.” 

He pulls Louis closer to him, and before anyone can even comment, the cheery waitress returns to plant their food in front of them. 

The youngest of the boys is so shocked that he can’t even fully enjoy his delicious meal. He takes cautious bites, still aware of how close he’s pressed into his neighbor’s side. Once, when he looks up from his french fries, Zayn shoots him a private and pointed look. 

It mostly gave off the phrase, ‘ _What the hell?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((i actually got the idea for the phone number thing because that's exactly what my boyfriend did when we were good friends but not dating yet... he ripped up a phone number as soon as someone handed it to me and made some excuse about why i didn't need it. lol.))


	9. Chapter 9

The cafeteria is obnoxiously loud, as per usual, but Louis is happily enjoying his lunch, regardless. He doesn’t mind the chatter. It’s like a blanket, secluding the conversations between him and his friends. No one listens to them, wrapped up in their own discussions.

It’s been a few months since he’s joined the soccer team, and they’ve played a few games so far. Louis wouldn’t say he’s the star of the team by any means, but he can give himself enough credit to comfortably claim he’s a valued member. 

The fall is slowly beginning to freeze over into winter, which means the season is going to end soon. He’s not too sad about it, though. Practice is tiring and Louis doesn’t get to spend as much time with Harry as he had assumed.

“You guys wanna come hang out at my house tonight?” Zayn asks with a shrug, and Niall nods.

“Yeah, I’m up to it,” he replies, sandwich half way to his mouth.

“I can’t,” Louis announces, trying to act as casually as possible. He can’t fight back the smirk on his lips, though, so he looks down at his food. “I’ve got a date.”

Harry immediately is choking on his lunch, and Liam has to clap him on the back a few times before he’s stopped coughing. 

“With who?” Zayn demands, brows furrowed together as he leans across the table. Louis smiles back at him sheepishly, and chews on his lip. 

“Elliot Prescott. He’s a junior,” he’s beaming, proud of the fact that someone two years older than him could possibly have interest in him. The rest of the boys seem too stunned to speak, but Harry is already shaking his head.

“He’s an asshole, Louis. You don’t want him.”

“Excuse me?” Louis scoffs back. “Who are you to tell me who I want?” 

“You don’t know who or what you like, for fuck’s sake. You’re fifteen.” Harry rolls his eyes, but looks like he immediately regrets it when Louis is silently standing up and packing his things into his bag. 

“Lou-“

“No, don’t,” the blue eyed boy snaps. “I’m probably too young to understand what you’re going to say, anyway.” With that, he puts his backpack over his shoulder and hurriedly walks through the masses of seated people. 

When he finally exists the cafeteria, and the noise is no longer pounding on his ears, he can breathe again. But he doesn’t stop. He turns a corner and makes his way up the stairs to the second floor, where he can find a vacant bathroom and be alone.

The halls are empty, thankfully, and he slips into the boy’s room with rage written all over his face. Louis locks himself into a stall and sits down on the toilet, backpack on the floor and his head in his hands.

His phone is buzzing, and although he wants to ignore it, he can’t.

**_Harry:_ ** _i’m so sorry louis please_

**_Harry:_ ** _where are you i can’t find you_

**_Harry:_ ** _louis i’m sorry_

**_Harry:_ ** _i looked all over the library_

Louis shuts his phone off and shoves it into the side pocket of his bag, and then he cries until he’s fresh out of tears. When the bell rings for fifth period, he exits the bathroom and makes his way to class as if nothing had ever happened.

~

The rest of the school day is a little bit miserable. He has to be extra careful in the hallways, creating new routes to his classes when he knows he would bump into Harry along the way. He hates avoiding the older boy, but what is he supposed to do? He’ll cry if he has to face his neighbor after that utter humiliation in front of their friends. 

Louis makes it through, though, and is now sorting through his closet for something to wear to his date. He sifts through tons of different shirts, huffing in frustration as he realizes he doesn’t have very many options. They’re going to be eating at a restaurant downtown on the water, and it’s supposedly lovely. 

Or at least, Elliot had told him so, when he asked him to meet him there at eight o’clock.

Undecided and running low on time before his mother has to drive him to the date, Louis grabs his phone off of the bed and sends a picture of two shirts to Zayn.

**_Louis:_ ** _which one?_

**_Zayn:_ ** _you should call harry. he’s miserable._

**_Louis:_ ** _he should be. and you didn’t answer my question._

**_Zayn:_ ** _..fine. the blue button down._

**_Louis:_ ** _thanks xxx_

Once his hair is arranged and his clothes fit nicely, Louis bounds down the steps to meet his mother at the door.

“You look wonderful, my dear,” she grins at him. “And I’m sure Elliot will think so, as well. I’m going out with Mrs. Malik tonight, but let me know if you need anything. If not, I’ll pick you up at ten.” 

She’s known he was gay ever since he told her last year, but she had admitted she had been suspicious when he never mentioned a single girl all throughout middle school.

“Thanks, mum,” the boy replies, before the two of them exit the house.

~

Elliot had been right. The restaurant really is gorgeous. There are fairy lights decorating the ceiling and soft music coming from somewhere nearby. 

“Would you like to be seated outside?” The host asks, and Louis shrugs.

“Well, my other person isn’t here yet, but sure.” It’s 7:55, after all. He couldn’t risk being late to his first date. 

As he waits for Elliot to arrive, he watches the waves roll against the sand below. The moon is shining over the water, which is tumbling up and crashing against rocks a little further down the coast. 

Ten minutes pass, and the waiter delivers him some water. More time passes, and as the waitress keeps asking him if he’d like to order, he keeps refusing her. Nervously, he checks his watch as she walks away for the second time.

_8:15_

Where is he?

Ten more minutes pass as Louis sits in silence, listening to other people enjoy their dinners. Some of them are couples, others families, and others groups of friends. They all seem so cheerful, and here he is, alone in a corner. 

After it’s been an hour, his suspicion hits him like a punch to the chest. Louis has been stood up.Doesn’t that stuff only happen in movies? Is he really sitting, abandoned, in a fancy restaurant right now? 

Angrily snatching his phone out of his pocket, Louis types out a hasty text to Elliot.

**_Louis:_ ** _i hope you have a good excuse for this. if not, fuck. you._

He pockets his mobile again and gets up to leave. He doesn’t need to tell the host why he’s going - it seems quite obvious and they give him a pitied look as he leaves.

That word, pity, seems to be the center of Louis’s life. People look at him with sad eyes and hunched shoulders. They feel bad for him, and it makes his blood boil. 

But then again, he’s just as much to blame as they are. No one feels more sorry for him than he does right now.

Once he makes it to a bench outside the venue, he puts his head into his hands and takes a few deep breaths. The tears come anyway, though, and boy, do they come hard.

He can’t call his mother. He’s too embarrassed. And besides, he doesn’t want to ruin her night. Surely she’d come and get him in a heartbeat, but he can’t bring himself to make her do that.

Instead, he presses his phone to his ear as he chokes out a few more sobs.

“Hello?” Harry asks, but before Louis can reply, the boy is speaking again. “Why are you crying? What’s happening? Where are you? I’ll come get-“

“I’m at that place by the water downtown. I forget the name. It’s got a big dolphin statue out front,” Louis whimpers into the speaker.

“Are you hurt?” Harry demands, and it sounds like he’s moving around and grabbing things. “Did something happen?”

“No. He didn’t show up,” Louis sniffles, before breaking out into more cries. It’s not even that he cares about Elliot that much - he hardly knew him, really. It’s the mere sadness of the situation that’s getting to him. It’s the fact that nothing can go well for him, romantically. 

“Oh, Lou,” Harry breathes into the phone. “I’ll be right there, lovely.”

“Okay.”

~

Harry’s car, beat up and in need of new paint (but his nonetheless) pulls into the parking lot within the next ten minutes, and the curly haired boy jumps out of the driver’s seat after parking by the curb. 

Louis stands to his feet, but can’t bring himself to look Harry in the eye. Why did he think this was a good idea? He asked Harry to come find him in this vulnerable, pathetic state. He doesn’t want Harry to see him like this.

Harry puts his hand on Louis’s chin and tilts it up so that they’re staring at one another. There are tears on the younger boy’s cheeks, and he exhales loudly.

“Who could leave someone else here all alone? Especially someone as nicely dressed as you?” Harry sighs, before wrapping an arm around his best friend and walking him towards the car. “C’mon, Baby Louis. Let’s get you home.”

~

The car ride is silent, for the most part, until Louis breaks the stillness with a question.

“When are you going to tell me that you warned me?” He asks, turning his head to the side. Harry doesn’t take his eyes off of the road, just purses his lips as he makes a right turn. 

“I’m not going to do that,” he whispers. “But I’d like to apologize for what I said today. I absolutely did not mean it. I just-“ He stops talking and shakes his head.

Was he jealous of Elliot? Is it even possible? Louis bites his tongue.

“It’s okay. Consider us even,” he replies evenly. 

They don’t talk after that, and Louis focuses on the blurry lights coming from the stores that they pass on the way home. He loves being in a car at night; loves how the colors of the evening blend together in the windshield sometimes, like a watercolor painting. 

By the time Harry is parking in front of his house, Louis is absolutely exhausted. 

“Thank you, Harry,” he murmurs, and the curly haired boy reaches across the passenger seat to cup Louis’s face in one hand. 

“Don’t shed one more tear over that idiot,” he says sternly, before using his other hand to wipe the remaining streaks off of Louis’s cheeks. “And don’t you dare be embarrassed. I know you’re going to blame yourself for this, Louis, but no one is at fault here except for the moron whose name I shall not mention.” He stops talking about that, but his eyes fall down onto Louis’s lips. He leans a little closer, and looks as though he’s about to do something.

Their noses brush, and Harry's fingertips are still rested on the side of Louis's head, both of them twisting and leaning in towards the center. 

Louis’s breath catches.

 Harry pulls away with a soft sigh.

“Goodnight, Lou,” his hands are on the steering wheel again. And, okay, wow. Louis didn’t know it was possible to feel your soul tugging at your heart. 

“Right. Goodnight,” he sputters in response, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. 

His mother isn’t home yet, which is relieving. He shoots her a text, saying that Harry picked him up and drove him home, before grabbing a pint of ice cream from the freezer and plopping down onto the living room couch. 

The first movie on the television is, ironically, a horrible romantic comedy. It’s the ending, though, and the boy is leaning in to kiss the girl on the lips. Louis shoves the spoon into his mouth and grumbles.

“Fuck off. Love isn’t real.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to apologize for how short this is. i'm going out tonight but i wanted to throw in a quick update before i did.

Louis wakes up on December 31st with a string of text message notifications. Groaning and rolling onto his side, the sun filtering in through the shades to cover his face in stripes, he unplugs his phone from the charger and unlocks it.

**_Harry:_ ** _my parents are out of town for new years._

**_Harry:_ ** _be at my house at 9 i’m throwing a party_

**_Harry:_ ** _xxxxxxx_

Well, shit. Louis has never been to a real party before - especially not one without parental supervision. He quickly gets to his feet and checks the time. It’s nine in the morning, so he’s got all day to prepare. 

His mother knocks on the door before walking in.

“Lou, there’s breakfast, if you want,” she smiles widely, and she goes to leave, but he stops her.

“Is it alright if I go to Harry’s tonight?He’s having the boys over for the New Year.” 

“It’s just the boys?” His mother asks with a raised brow, and Louis hates lying to her, but he won’t be allowed to go if he admits the truth.

“Yeah,” he nods, and she agrees before exiting the bedroom.

~

It’s 9:15 and Louis is still standing in front of his mirror. He’s got black skinny jeans on, and a white button up top on. He didn’t want to overdo it, or his mother would be suspicious. He’s pretty happy with his appearance, but he’s still tentative about leaving. 

It’s very likely that he will be the only freshman at this party. He’s going to feel like a child in a sea of young adults, but then again, is he not used to that by now?

“Fuck it,” he mutters under his breath, shoves his phone into his pocket, and makes a beeline for the door. 

The walk to Harry’s is a short one, but a cold one nonetheless. The idea to not bring a jacket was extremely stupid, so by the time he’s ringing the doorbell, he’s shivering. 

Harry appears before him suddenly, giggling and holding a red cup.

“Baby Louis!” He shouts a bit too loudly, before ushering him into the house. “Glad you could come, sweetheart.” _Sweetheart?_

“Thanks for inviting me,” Louis replies. He’s never been drunk, but he knows what it looks like, and the curly haired boy is clearly on his way. Louis watches him saunter away.

As he looks about the room, most people are grinding against each other to the music that is blasting from the speakers.  Some are making out on the couch, and there’s cups absolutely _everywhere._

He’s completely out of his element here. Louis has never even had a sip of alcohol, and he doesn’t recognize anyone at this party.

“Hey Lou!” Niall is clapping him on the back unexpectedly, and ushering him into the kitchen. Louis finds it funny, how he practically grew up in this house, and right now it feels so foreign to him that he couldn’t find a bathroom if his life depended on it. “Do you want a drink?”

“Uh, sure. Something light please,” Louis pleads, and Niall nods a bit too enthusiastically.

“Of course. Wouldn’t want our lightweight Baby Louis getting plastered two minutes into the celebration, would we?” he teases. Louis rolls his eyes and takes the cup his blonde neighbor had prepared for him.

And okay, honestly, it tastes like shit. But there must be something good about it if everyone in this room is drinking so much of it.

“Are Zayn and Liam here?” He asks over the music, and sighs with disappointment when Niall shakes his head.

“No. Liam’s with family and Zayn went to New York to see the ball drop this year. His family always does that, remember?” 

Louis just shakes his head. He had forgotten.

“Well, I won’t keep you,” Louis shrugs. The last thing he wants to do is cling to the one friend he has at this party. Niall will be robbed of a good time if he’s dealing with a leech. 

After finishing his drink, he’s definitely feeling a little buzzed, and worms his way into the middle of where people are dancing.  Louis has never been a good dancer, but he moves his hips from side to side a little until someone is pressed against his back.

“Hi, pretty,” some stranger murmurs, and Louis grins. He’s seen this kind of stuff on television, but that’s it. It’s kind of nice for someone to pay so much attention to him.

He’s never danced like this, ever, but he must be doing something right, if this random person is so interested in him. The guy is taller than him, wrapping his arms around Louis’s waist and trying to keep up with his movements.

They dance (could it be called dancing?) together for a few minutes, pressed together as Louis lazily sways his hips to the beat, before he catches sight of a mop of curly hair in the crowd.

Harry is currently pressed tightly against some blonde girl. They’re about as close as too people can be, and Louis wants to gag. She’s mouthing at the boy’s neck, and his hands are dangerously close to her rear.

Harry’s eyes move upwards, and he makes eye contact with Louis, whose first instinct is to grip his own partner harder and lean up to kiss his jaw. 

His older neighbor looks the other way, and Louis frowns.

_Why should he care?_ He came here to have a good time, not convince himself that there’s anything between him and Harry. That’s easier said than done, though.

~

As the clock nears midnight, almost the entire party is crammed near the TV. There’s a few minutes left, and Louis is standing beside Niall, the two of them slightly drunk and extremely excited. 

The music is still going, though at a lower volume, and as the countdown is just about to begin, Niall nudges his shoulder.

“Do a shot with me, Louis,” he pleads, and the fifteen year old sighs. He snatches the tiny glass out of Niall’s hands and flashes him a smile.

“Three, two, one,” They down the drinks at the same time, and Louis immediately is wrinkling his face together in disgust. The blonde laughs loudly at the boy’s reaction, and pats the brunette’s shoulder. 

Before either of them can speak, the countdown is beginning. The entire room is chanting, and Louis is so wrapped up in the moment that he doesn’t notice where Harry is standing at first. However, as they get closer to zero, his eyes find the boy, clutching the very same blonde against him.

“Three, two, one!” The room explodes with cheers and applause, and Harry presses his lips firmly against those of the girl. She grabs at his shirt, and puts her tongue in his mouth. Harry smiles widely, pulls her closer, and Louis has to look away. 

“Give me another shot,” he demands, and Niall seems hesitant. 

“I dunno, Lou, you’ve never drank before. You might wanna take it easy.”

“I don’t give a _fuck_ , Niall. I want something strong,” he whines. He needs to rid himself of the pain in his chest. He wants the world to become hazy and fuzzed. He wants colors to blend together until he can’t see a single brown curl. 

He’d rather feel nothing at all than this intense ache. It feels as though someone is reaching into his chest and squeezing his heart in their palm. 

He downs another shot, and one more, until everything is fuzzy and he’s stumbling. Niall tries to steady him, but Louis shoos him away.

“‘M _fine,_ ” he insists, lightly attempting to push his friend away. He doesn’t know how much time has passed. It feels like he has been standing here, drowning in his sorrows, for hours. In reality, it has probably only been ten minutes.

The room is spinning, the music assaulting his ears, and his head aches. People are still dancing, but he can’t bring himself to join them. What is there to dance about? What is there to be _happy_ about? Louis will never have Harry - and in his opinion, anyone on this planet who will never have Harry has no reason to rejoice in anything.

“I’m gonna puke,” he announces, stumbling towards the stairs. He knows there’s a bathroom on the first floor, but he can’t remember for the life of him where it is. 

The crawl up the steps almost has him falling down three or four times, but when he makes it to the top, there’s no time to celebrate. His stomach is going to empty itself any minute now.

Louis opens the first door he sees, but it isn’t the bathroom.

It’s Harry’s room, and he’s about to turn around and leave when he sees his neighbor messily making out with a girl against the wall. Is it the girl from earlier? Louis is so wasted that he can’t even tell. 

They don’t notice him, groaning into each other’s mouths. She’s pulling on his hair, and Louis is instantly reminded of when he was thirteen years old. He had held onto that very same hair as Harry had kissed him underneath Cinderella’s castle. He thinks of the Mickey Mouse ears on their heads, the taste of candy on their mouths, and the regret in Harry's eyes as they had pulled away. 

He thinks of the fireworks, the way they exploded above his head and inside his chest, filling him with more warmth and happiness than he had ever experienced before. He thinks of when he was ten years old, with a sprained ankle, and Harry had sprinted through the hospital to get to him. 

He thinks of all of the times Harry should have kissed him but didn't, but especially the one time that he did. He's reminded of how that kiss had been a mistake, and Harry had made that clear enough to Louis. 

If he was going to be ill before, he’s _definitely_ going to be terribly sick now.

She pulls the boy’s shirt over his head, and Louis closes the door. He’s alone in the hallway again, fists clenched. 

_Where is the goddamn bathroom?_

He reaches another door, and fumbles with the handle. It finally opens, and he flicks the light on. The florescence is violent and sudden, causing him to squint. There isn’t much time to adjust, though, before he’s falling to knees and vomiting into the porcelain bowl. 

If only he could rid himself of Harry as easily as he does the alcohol.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((okay, so after a lot of you were unhappy with chapter 10, i was heart broken and i wrote a different version of chapter 11 that i had hoped would appease people. however, it was only up briefly before i realized i didn't want to write a something i didn't like to make other people happy. i have to keep going with the plot that makes me happy. for all of you who are disappointed in this work, and have lost interest in reading it, i'm very sorry. but i can't please everyone, and so i've rewritten a chapter 11 that i am much more happy with. if anyone happened to read the OTHER chapter 11 that was up, please disregard it. it's deleted and disregarded from this story. i'm sorry for the confusion! it's all going to be normal from here on out. thanks for reading, and i hope you guys enjoy.))

What Louis saw at the party, he realizes the next morning, is a sure sign that he needs to reevaluate some aspects of his life. After recovering from his hangover the next morning, he sat himself down on his front porch with a mug of coffee and some much needed silence.

His infatuation with his best friend isn’t fair. He feels as though he’s been wronged when Harry gets involved with other people, and yet, Louis can’t bring himself to explain his feelings. He pines after the older neighbor, waiting for him to come around, when he subconsciously knows that he won’t. 

It isn’t right to expect Harry to be interested in the opposite sex when he just _isn’t._ How can Louis be disappointed in his best friend for not loving him? His feelings are so intense that it’s going to start affecting their friendship, and that terrifies him. 

He doesn’t know how to bottle up his bursting jar of emotions, and hide them away. He wears his heart on his sleeve, but Harry either doesn’t get the hint or doesn’t care to act on it. And not to mention, Louis is fifteen. Harry is seventeen, and the gap between those two ages is less like a small space and more like a chasm. 

Louis takes a sip of his coffee and sighs, leaning his head against the siding of the house and looking down at his slippers. He can’t cut Harry off entirely, but he can degrade him from ‘best friend’ to just ‘friend’, and that may be his only option. 

Even the thought of such a thing twists his heart into something uncomfortable.

~

Harry wakes up and rolls over, but is met with the collision of his chest against someone else’s. Confused and sleepy, he grumbles something out that sounds like, 

“Morning, Lou,” and the girl sits up immediately. 

“Who’s Lou? My name’s Catherine.” _Well. Oops._

“Sorry, babe, I just woke up,” Harry reasons, but she’s already climbing over him to get to her clothes. She dresses hastily, and the curly haired boy is lying on his back with one arm above his head on the pillow.

“It’s fine,” she waves a dismissive hand at him. “I’ve just got to get to work. This was a one time thing, yeah?” She’s a senior, older and more experienced than him, but she had blushed at him last night as if he was the one who knew what he was doing. 

“Yeah,” he replies, thinking something more along the lines of _Thank God._ When she’s gone from his room and his house, he fumbles for his phone on the nightstand and types something out to Louis.

**_Harry:_ ** _wanna come over 4 a morning cuddle and breakfast?_

**_Louis:_ ** _im busy sorry. maybe tomorrow._

**_Harry:_ ** _oh. well, ok. xx_

**_Louis:_ ** _xx_

Harry doesn’t understand. He sits up and rubs at his eyes, trying to focus his vision and wake up fully. Last night hadn’t been as enjoyable as he had originally thought it would be. He wanted to take his mind off of his confusion, perhaps by spending his evening with a lovely girl, but she had only heightened his sadness. 

He groggily rises from his bed and picks his shirt up off of the floor, discards it into the hamper, and reaches for another one from his dresser. Today could have had a nice start if Louis had agreed to come over, but, alas. He is alone. 

 ~

It’s been a few days since New Year’s now, and Louis is currently tapping away at a controller in Liam’s basement. Zayn is groaning as he loses against Louis in the game they’re playing, and Niall cheers. 

“I knew you’d win, Lou! Hand me those two dollars, Liam.” With a grumble and a sigh, Liam slaps two dollars into the blonde’s hand and crosses his arms over his chest. Before Louis can even laugh, Harry is bounding down the basement steps with two pizza pies balanced on one hand.

“I have arrived,” he belts out. “And I come bearing gifts.” He gestures to the pizza, and sets it down on the coffee table. 

“I’ll grab plates and some drinks,” Liam volunteers, hopping up from his seat on the couch and heading up into his kitchen. 

“Thanks, Harry,” Louis smiles briefly at him, before looking back at the game, and the curly haired boy lights up. 

 “Didn’t think you’d be here, Baby Louis! You’ve been MIA for days.” He doesn’t hesitate to sit down next to Louis and pull him into his arms.

“Harry, stop, I’m gonna lose the second round!” Louis shrieks, attempting to still see the screen as Harry rolls them onto their sides. “No!” Zayn is cackling at this point, and he kills Louis’s character before jumping into the air.

“Give those two dollars _back_ to Liam!” He points at Niall, who is frowning. Louis chucks his controller onto the floor, and tries to look as angry as possible. Harry is only grinning happily, ruffling Louis’s hair and kissing his temple.

“I wouldn’t have had to do that if you wouldn’t have made me miss you,” he points out, before sitting both of them upright again. 

The older boy opens his phone to check the time, and Louis’s heart falls to the floor when he sees that Harry’s background is _still_ he and Louis in Disney World, young and smiling and wearing mouse ears on their heads. 

As he looks at their faces in the picture, he realizes there’s no way he can just excuse Harry from the role as ‘best friend’. They’ve been best friends all their lives. He can’t cut him out just because he’s got feelings for him. He’d been so stupid to think otherwise. 

As Harry picks up a controller, Louis curls into the boy’s side and rests his head on Harry’s arm. The older boy responds with a happy purr, and wraps one arm around Louis’s side. 

“You’re my favorite person,” Louis tells him quietly, while the other three boys are occupied with the pizza and their chatter, and Harry smiles back at him in surprise.

“You’re my favorite person too. How funny is that?” He gives Louis’s nose a butterfly kiss, and the younger of the two has to resist the urge to close the small distance between them. 

“Are the married couple done so we can get this game going?” Liam demands, shoving a chip into his mouth and grabbing a controller off of the table.

“Yeah, we’re done,” Harry replies with a grin, not even defending the ‘married couple’ remark. 

~

Louis is getting homework done at his desk, tapping his pencil against his notebook and adjusting his glasses on his nose, when his phone lights up. He should ignore it, but he’s terrible at maths and is in desperate need of a distraction.

**_Zayn:_ ** _i have a single sophomore friend and he’s really nice. i thought maybe you’d like him._

**_Louis:_ ** _are you trying to set me up?_

**_Zayn:_ ** _yes. he’s gay and very nice and attractive. u should go on a date with him._

**_Louis:_ ** _just because he’s gay doesn’t mean i’m going to like him._

**_Zayn:_ ** _yeah, but there’s very few gay guys in our school and he’s a catch. i promise._

**_Louis:_ ** _i don’t know._

**_Zayn:_ ** _is this about harry?_

**_Louis:_ ** _maybe._

**_Zayn:_ ** _louis. you can’t deny yourself a romantic life just because you’re waiting for him._

**_Louis:_ ** _okay, you’re right. but i’m only going on one date._

**_Zayn:_ ** _and that’s all i ask. i’ll set up a time and place and let you know._

**_Louis:_ ** _good grief._

_~_

When Louis arrives at the 50’s diner at six o’clock the next night, he’s surprised to see that Zayn’s friend is already there and waiting for him. He quickly waves goodbye to his mother, who drove him, and makes his way towards the boy standing at the door. 

He can only assume this is Andrew, considering everyone else is either middle aged or twelve. Sure enough, the boy grins widely at him. He’s got dark hair and dark eyes, and pearly white teeth. Louis might have to thank Zayn for this.

“It’s nice to meet you,” the boy smiles, and Louis does his best to smile back without looking too excited. “Let’s go inside.”

Once they’re seated in a small booth, Louis begins to look through his menu and chew on his lip. When he looks up, Andrew is watching him silently. 

“Sorry,” the boy shakes his head and blushes. “You’re just pretty.”

_Yeah, Zayn definitely deserves a thank you for this date._

“Thanks. You’re kinda cute, too,” Louis replies with a shrug, and Andrew leans in with a raised brow. 

"Only ‘kinda’?” He asks cheekily, mock offended, and Louis nods. 

“Yup.” At this, Andrew leans back, tongue in cheek. 

“I guess I’ll have to make up for it with my personality, then.” 

"So how do you know Zayn?" Louis takes a sip of his water, and Andrew puts his elbows on the table.

"We're in art club together. He's very talented, and so I started sitting next to him for inspiration." He laughs at the thought, and Louis grins. 

"What kind of art are you into?" He asks, and the boy seems to have this answer planned out and ready to go.

"I love impressionism, as most people do, I think. I'm not really into most extremely modern stuff, though some of it's cool. I like to sketch portraits, myself. Maybe I'll draw you sometime." 

The date, after this point, goes wonderfully. They find that they both love footie -Andrew prefers watching it, because he’s not very good at playing- and they’ve both got little sisters. It’s so odd to Louis, being attracted to someone who isn’t Harry, but he sort of likes it. 

Even though there’s an ache in his chest, telling him that this boy isn’t his _home_ , not the way Harry is, he ignores the feeling. He needs to move on. 

After they pay and leave the restaurant, waiting for their parents to pick them up (it’s nice to be with someone who isn’t old enough to drive for once. Louis feels less like a child), Andrew gives Louis his jacket to wear in the cold. 

“Keep it until next time,” he shrugs, “It’ll give you a reason to see me again when you return it.” 

Louis slips his arms through the sleeves, and for the first time in his life, he isn’t afraid to initiate something. He leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses Andrew on the mouth. His date squeaks in surprise and kisses back, hands on Louis’s waist. 

Somewhere, tugging at the back of his mind, is a voice telling Louis that they aren’t the right hands. They should be Harry’s hands, on his face, and his soft mouth guiding him through the kiss. And this boy should be taller, and broader, and have curlier hair.

As they pull away, Louis is cursing himself in his head. He needs to get over Harry.

_He has to._


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all of your continued support of this story. you're all fantastic and i hope you like this chapter! 
> 
> at some point, louis and harry listen to a song together. i'll throw in a link, so make sure to click on it and listen as you read! :)

“So, tell me how it went,” Zayn demands, tossing his backpack onto Louis’s bedroom floor and throwing himself onto the bed. Louis sighs and puts his book assignment down to look at him.

“Sure, Zayn. You can come over,” he drawls sarcastically, and the dark haired boy rolls his eyes.  He’s just got home from some after school activity that Louis can’t quite remember. Was it student council? 

No matter the club, Zayn isn’t the type to lead it. He’s involved in a lot of student run programs, but he never orchestrates them. He prefers to be important in other ways. He doesn’t make the decisions, but he gets done what needs to get done. Louis admires that.

“When’s the last time you invited me over?” The older boy asks, one brow raised as he rolls onto his back, and okay, he has a point. Zayn comes and goes as he pleases - and he has every right; Jay adores him. 

“Alright. Fair enough,” Louis shrugs. “But at least kick your shoes off if you’re gonna be on my bed.” As Zayn sits up to untie his laces, he looks at his neighbor over his shoulder.

“You still haven’t told me about Andrew,” he reminds him pointedly, and Louis pulls his feet in so that he’s cross legged.

“He’s great, I think I really like him,” Louis promises, leaning against his headboard and smiling  to himself. “He was very kind, and charming. And only a year older, which is good.” 

“I knew you’d like him,” Zayn boasts, looking fairly proud of himself. “And, by the way, he texted me and told me that he absolutely adored you.” 

Louis is glad his neighbor is leaning over the bed to take off his shoes so that he can’t see the blush spreading across the freshman’s face.

~

**_Andrew:_ ** _so zayn told me you’re trying to get over someone (i hope u dont mind he said that. i think he said it to help you by letting me know). did u just have a bad breakup or something?_

**_Louis:_ ** _no, i’ve never dated anyone. but he was right. i’m trying to get over someone i was never dating to begin with._

**_Andrew:_ ** _oh, i got you. we’ve all been there. would i know him? or her?_

**_Louis:_ ** _him. i’ve never been into girls. but yeah, you’d probably know him. can i trust you?_

**_Andrew:_ ** _what would i get out of telling anyone? of course you can._

**_Louis:_ ** _harry styles. he’s a junior._

**_Andrew:_ ** _ohhhhh. ok. yeah, i’m not surprised. everybody and their mother has had a thing for that guy. the dreamy sports star… lol._

**_Louis:_ ** _haha. i guess so. but he’s actually my next door neighbor. we’ve been friends since we were babies. so it was more than a crush, you know? more like a lifelong daydream._

**_Andrew:_ ** _but he’s straight, right? i mean, i don’t know him personally. so i can’t say._

**_Louis:_ ** _yeah. hence my problem._

**_Andrew:_ ** _i’m really sorry about that, louis._

**_Louis:_ ** _don’t be. i’m talking to you, aren’t i? things aren’t so bad._

**_Andrew:_ ** _well, that’s true. i’m pretty great. and so are you._

_~_

Louis and Andrew aren’t official. In fact, they haven’t even kissed since their first date. However, Louis doesn’t mind in the slightest. Moving slow is nice for him, and for once, he feels like he can breathe. If they had jumped into it, he might have been suffocated by the thought of abandoning his feelings for Harry and nervously backed out.

They go out to eat sometimes (not often, because they’re broke teenagers) and they watch movies at each other’s houses, and sometimes walk each other to class when they have the time. Louis is beginning to have warm feelings in his stomach at the thought of the boy.

It’s a different kind of feeling that he has for Andrew than he has for Harry. Andrew puts a soft, light breath of air into his lungs and makes him feel fresh and new. His curly haired neighbor, though, has always given Louis the most painful feelings of love that he wants to fall to his knees and beg Harry to love him. 

His adoration of Harry consists of desperation and a love so deep it cuts through his heart. Sometimes a simple look from the boy makes Louis feel like he’s going to bleed out until he’s dead. It’s so much more _intense_ and deafening and overwhelming. It consumes him like fire, but a comfortable fire. A fire that has been burning all of his life, and reminding him that he is safe. He wants to forget about it, but how do you put out an eternal flame?

It’s Valentine’s Day, and Harry drove him into the school building this morning. They’re holding mugs of coffee and both of them are exhausted beyond belief. Homework is piling up, and so are the bags under their eyes.

“I’m interested to see how many love notes are on your locker today,” Louis hums, and the curly haired boy rolls his eyes before adjusting the straps on his backpack. They round the corner of the main lobby, and surely enough, tons of roses and pink envelopes are taped to one locker in particular. 

Louis bursts into a fit of laughter, and Harry shoves Louis’s shoulder. As they approach the door, Harry begins plucking roses off of it and staring at them in surprise. 

“To Harry,” he reads. “Love, Jessica. And here’s one from Emily. And Sarah. And Catherine. Oh, look, Am-“ Louis cuts him off by beginning to read one of the notes aloud. 

“Harry,” he reads in a girlish voice. The green-eyed junior scoffs, but Louis continues. “I come to all of your footie games just to watch you. You’re so talented, and all of my friends agree. Not to mention you’re just _gorgeous._ I’d love to kiss you, but I can’t, so I just kissed the end of this letter. Sincerely yours, Anonymous.” 

Louis glances down to the bottom of the paper to see a sticky lipstick mark in the shape of some lips. Well, Andrew hadn’t been wrong. Everyone and their mother _does_ love Harry. Maybe he’d been too wrapped up in his own infatuation to notice all of the others chasing after him.

~

Lunch is a little bit ridiculous. Both girls and boys are walking around with giant teddy bears they’d gotten from their significant others, as well as gift bags and candy bars. Zayn is pretending to gag at all of it as they take their seats at the lunch table. 

Louis sits beside Harry, as he always does, and digs into his meal without greeting anyone. He had skipped breakfast this morning so that he wouldn’t be late, and he’s been regretting it for hours now. 

“I bought a rose from the student council for Georgia,” Niall informs the boys. Georgia is a cheerleader, but she doesn’t fit the stereotype. She’s an AP student and a little bit of a nerd. Her sense of humor is almost nonexistent, which is why Louis is perplexed by the idea of her and Niall together. The blonde has been chasing her for months.

“And?” Liam blinks. 

“And I got a kiss on the cheek,” Niall smiles blissfully. 

“Better watch out, she could be pregnant,” Harry remarks with a mouthful of food as he looks down at his tray, and Zayn snorts. 

“Alright, Styles,” Niall laughs at the joke and points his plastic fork in Harry’s direction. “It’s a start. So mind you-“ He’s interrupted as their attention turns to Andrew, approaching their table suddenly and heading directly for Louis.

Theatrically, the boy takes Louis’s face into his hands and kisses him as passionately as he can. The rest of the table falls silent, awestruck and eyes wide. Louis, embarrassed and bright red, kisses back for a second, before Andrew pulls away with a loud smack and puts a candy bracelet onto Louis’s arm.

“For you,” he says, shooting Harry a quick glance. “Because you’re so sweet.” He’s giggling as he says it, and Niall laughs so loudly that a few heads turn (or at least, a few more than had already been watching the spectacle).

The rest of the boys are laughing, except for Harry, who is forcing a smile onto his lips. Andrew salutes them, blows Louis another kiss, and exits the cafeteria. 

“Oh. My. God.” Liam is shaking his head, still laughing under his breath, and taking a bite of his ham sandwich. “I think I like him.”

“Me too,” Louis rests his chin in his palm, and sneaks a glance at Harry. The boy is aggressively chewing his food and looking off into the distance.

The youngest of the boys focuses his attention on the edible bracelet, and decides he won’t even eat it yet. He’s going to wear it for a while so that he can look at it and admire it. 

And if he hates himself for kind of wishing Harry had been the one to give it to him, he’ll keep it to himself and pretend he’s alright. 

~

Louis sits on his roof sometimes, late at night when his family is asleep and he can climb out of his window to watch the stars. He puts a blanket out to sit on, and bring his knees up to his chest on nights like these. He can hear crickets somewhere nearby, but they’re a nice company to have. 

He's got his headphones in his ears, but his music is interrupted by the text message notification. Who the fuck is texting him so late? When he reads the name, he feels stupid for not knowing.

**_Harry:_ ** _whatcha doing on the roof?_

**_Louis:_ ** _you can see me?_

**_Harry:_ ** _you seem to forget i’m next door. i can see you in the window._

**_Louis:_ ** _i bet you’ve got binoculars, you creep._

**_Harry:_ ** _you caught me. mind if i join?_

**_Louis:_ ** _i’ll sneak you in in five mins. bring snacks. x_

**_Harry:_ ** _xxxxxx_

_~_

Once he manages to get Harry onto the roof as well, after a series of sneaky door openings and creeping up stairs, they’ve each got one of Louis’s headphones in their ears and they’re munching on cookies. 

“I like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRARTIdYEqw) song,” Harry hums quietly, and they’re silent after that. They lie on their backs, watching the night sky sit in its infinite state of vast stillness. 

Louis used to envy the stars, but as he lies close enough to his best friend that he can feel his warmth, he realizes that he doesn’t. Stars can’t feel like this. They’re so hot that they burn for billions of years, but they’re alone in the cold void of space. 

Stars are brilliantly bright, but they're also very much separated from one another. And though being close to Harry feels like it's ripping Louis apart piece by piece, he wouldn't wish for anything else. 

“So, you really like this Andrew guy?” Harry asks, rolling slowly onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow. Louis remains where he is, and nods. 

“Yeah. He’s really nice. I think you’d like him.” 

“A friend of yours is a friend of mine,” the other boy says quietly. He sounds more serious, now. “I’m glad you have someone to make you happy. You deserve that, you know. All of the happiness in the world.” 

“Thanks, Harry,” Louis’s heart swells in size, and he exhales loudly. “But I’ve only just met him a few weeks ago.” 

“Well, if he doesn’t make you happy and does something disagreeable, just let me know.” He can hardly get the sentence out before Louis is snorting. 

“You don’t even like to kill spiders. You put them on a napkin and set them free outside,” he reminds him, and Harry frowns.

“I’d hurt someone for you, if I had to,” he murmurs. “You know that.”

And yeah, Louis does know that. Harry is the least violent person he’s ever known. However, he has no doubt that fists would fly if Louis’s safety and happiness was concerned. And the same goes in the other direction, as well. Louis couldn’t win a fight against an ant, but he’d do his damnedest for Harry’s sake if he had to. 

 “Yeah, I know,” Louis replies sleepily. “Now go home, will you? I’m exhausted.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extremely embarrassing fact: i love cannonball (the song they listened to) so much that i daydream about someone making a trailer for this fic using that song. it just fits the story y'all. i'm so emotional lol bye.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! i just wanted to let you know that i'm going away from my house until tuesday night and this will probably be my last update until wednesday... i'm sorry! i hope you like this chapter :)

Louis promises himself that he’ll murder Zayn in his sleep for dragging him into the Spring Fling set-up committee. This school dance is supposed to welcome the warm weather, but all it’s welcoming is a headache into Louis’s brain. 

He’s currently standing on top of a ladder, stapling streamers to the wall and grunting in frustration as he tries to lean at an awkward angle. He can hear people shuffling around the gym below him, setting up tables and taping banners to the walls. 

Theses stupid paper strips are tangled all around him, in wispy strands of pastel blues and greens. One of them rips, again, and he groans aloud.

“Louis, we’ve got to run out to the party store and get some more decorations… Will you be okay here?” One of the senior girls asks, and he waves a hand at them without looking.

“Yeah, yeah. Go. I’ve got it.” He really doesn’t, but. He doesn’t want to be seen as incompetent. They thank him and exit the gym, all four of them, and now he’s alone in this damn gigantic room and drowning in tangled streamers. What a life.

At least he’s going to Andrew’s house tonight for a movie. He likes their nights together, where they sit side by side and make snark comments about the film they’re watching. Sometimes they kiss, carefully and cautiously, and it’s just lovely. 

Louis is going to have to move the ladder soon, so he begins to step down until he reaches the bottom and lets out a relieved breath when his feet hit the floor again. However, the voice from right behind him startles him enough that he nearly knocks over the damn thing.

“Hey, Baby Louis” Harry acknowledges him casually, and Louis curses under his breath.

“For fuck’s sake, Harry, don’t come up behind me when I’m wielding a ladder,” he snaps, to which the older boy just laughs in amusement and watches his neighbor drag the steps further down the wall. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Zayn got me involved,” Harry shrugs, and Louis wants to roll his eyes. Of course. “Are you actually gonna go to this dance?” 

“Yeah, are you?” 

“Probably not. Andrew’s taking you, right?” Harry leans against the wall and crosses his arms over his chest. He pinches his bottom lip between his fingers as he waits for an answer.

“If you must know,” Louis jokes. “Yes. But I’m terrified. I don’t know how to dance.” 

“Believe me, I know,” Harry mutters, his eyes looking elsewhere. Louis growls at him. The curly haired boy pulls his back off of the wall and takes the pile of streamers from his friends hands before discarding them onto the floor. 

“C’mon, I’ll teach you,” He insists, taking Louis’s hands. “Can’t have you looking like a fool in front of lover boy, can we?” 

“What?” Louis raises a brow, but Harry is already jogging over to the gigantic stereo (the school couldn’t afford a DJ, so they’re just going to put together a playlist) and turning it on. 

A [slow song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDrflxhW7nE) begins pouring out into the room, and Harry turns around to smirk and raise both brows. Louis is standing in the middle of the gym, and Harry joins him in a few long strides. 

“You were serious?” Louis sputters, eyeing the boy up and down, and Harry only shrugs. 

“Do I kid?” And, well, yes, but he doesn’t give him a chance to answer the question. “Put your arms around my neck,” He instructs, and Louis does. Harry’s hands find Louis’s hips, and he begins to move his feet in tiny, subtle movements. 

The younger boy follows his lead, though a bit clumsily at first. When he looks up, Harry’s eyes are focused on him, his grip tightening just slightly. Louis assumes he should do the same, and does.

“This is the part where he’s gonna tell you how fantastic you look,” Harry murmurs, voice low under the sweet song. “And then you’ll rest your head on his chest.” 

Louis presses the side of his face into Harry’s shirt, and he can hear his heartbeat through the fabric. His older neighbor holds him there, and keeps their feet moving back and forth at a pace that matches the music.

“And then he’ll whisper nice things to you of course,” Harry’s lips are at Louis’s ear, and he wishes he wasn’t melting into a puddle on the floor right now. “He’ll mention your eyes, your hair, your lovely smile. And you’ll probably blush, like you always do.” 

Louis’s head is spinning, and he’s thankful when their embrace loosens so that they can dance in a bit more of a relaxed way. Louis has never felt more at home, stupid as it sounds. 

He pulls himself away to look at Harry, who is guiding him through the dance with minimal instructions and gentle encouragements. 

They’re in t-shirts and jeans, but in Louis’s mind they are dressed to the nines and spinning through a royal ball. He imagines Harry holding him like this on their wedding day, cooing at him and telling him he was so wonderful. 

_Damn it. Stop._

Thoughts like that creep back to him at the worst times, and he doesn’t know how to rid himself of them. Harry is teaching him how to dance with _Andrew_ , and he needs to remember that.

When the song comes to a close, Harry releases him and Louis’s mind is fuzzy. The older boy is grinning happily again, and shrugging his shoulders.

“See? You’re a professional now. Your boy won’t see it coming.”

“Yeah,” Louis laughs out breathlessly. He doesn’t think he learned anything, though, except that shaking Harry out of his system will take a lot more than he had thought. 

~

“You look incredible,” Andrew mouths out in awe, and Louis really thinks he must be exaggerating. He’s in a white button up and dress pants, because the dance is semi-formal. 

“Thanks. You look great,” he insists back, and the other boy just rolls his eyes and brushes the comment off. 

“Next to you I’m gonna look like a trash can,” he says it so matter-of-factly that the both of them are laughing as they walk into the school building. 

“Baby Louis!” Niall walks over to them cheerily with his date, Georgia, and shakes Andrew’s hand. “I haven’t met you officially. I’m Niall, and this is Georgia.” 

“Hi,” she smiles at each of them, and Louis must admit, she’s absolutely lovely. He wonders how she and Niall get along, seeming that they’re polar opposites. 

“Let’s go inside, then,” the blonde insists. “Liam and Niall are already in there with their dates.” 

They enter the gym -dimly lit with music blasting and neon stripes of light flickering throughout the room- eager and anticipating a great time. Andrew reaches for Louis’s hand and squeezes it tightly. 

They spend a majority of their night dancing to the quick songs until they’re sweating, laughing at each other’s horrible attempts at dancing well. Niall does the chicken dance in front of Georgia, who looks unamused until she’s suddenly in a fit of hysterics. The blonde has never looked more proud of himself, Louis thinks as he watches.

When they slow dance, Andrew does everything that Harry had predicted. They’re surrounded by other couples, everyone dressed nicely with the lights changed to soft pinks, but the words coming out of Andrew’s mouth are heard by Louis in Harry’s voice. He blinks a few times, trying to focus, but it’s so difficult.

He isn’t in the moment. He’s in an empty gym, hair messed up, being held by his childhood best friend and next door neighbor. He’s looking at Harry’s goofy grin instead of Andrew’s.

_Get out of my head. Fuck off._

Louis doesn’t know who he’s talking to, but it sort of works. He can push Harry away for long enough that he can enjoy the night with who he’s really with.

He can be happy with Andrew if he really tries hard enough, if he can tuck away his neighbor until the sound of his voice and the look of his face isn’t so painfully attached to Louis’s conscience anymore. 

~

It’s a week after the school dance and Louis is seated at Harry’s dining room table with the boy’s family and a few other neighbors. There’s a big cake sat in front of the curly haired boy at the head of the table, and they’re about to sing.

“I just want to thank you all for coming to celebrate Harry’s belated birthday,” Anne says quickly. And then the lights are out and they’re singing. Louis watches the orange glow of candles light up Harry’s face.

The other boys are sat around him, and their mothers are all smiling at each other as they sing. When he blows out the candles, the lights flicker back on and everyone is cheering. 

“Can you believe your boy is eighteen?” Niall’s mother asks Anne with a nudge, who shakes her head in disbelief. 

“I remember when you and Louis played in this very room together,” Jay says to the boy. “You’d crawl around under the table and chase each other into the living room, even though Louis was too slow to ever win at anything because he was younger.” The entire room laughs, and her son wants to hide his face.

“Speaking of that, I’ve got a surprise for you,” Anne says to Harry. “Well, really it’s for everyone, but I’ve got some of our old home movies set up in the living room.” All of the mothers begin to chatter excitedly as everyone makes their way to the couch. Louis sits beside Harry, and Anne presses play.

The quality of the video isn’t too great, but it’s clear enough to see a young Harry chewing on his fingers and smiling widely at the camera. 

_ “Hello,” his mother coos at him, and he makes some garbled noises. The entire room is giggling and elbowing Harry, who keeps his eyes focused on the screen. Another clip appears, one of an older Harry, toddling across the living room towards a baby Louis.  _

_“Hi, Louis,” Three year old Harry says quite loudly, sitting beside him. The baby just stares at him, blinking a few times, and goes back to playing with his toy._  

“Not much has changed,” Harry jokes with a shake of his head, and Louis barks out a laugh that surprises even himself. 

The next video is of a four year old Harry and a two year old Louis, running through the house. Harry is extremely quick, and Louis’s run isn’t much faster than a walk.

_ “Careful, boys,” Anne says from behind the camera. “I’d like to return Jay’s son to her in one piece when she comes back from work.”  _

_ “Come on, Louis!” A young Harry squeals, before rounding a corner and grabbing the boy from behind in a hug. Louis turns around to hug him back, and the two boys smile widely into the camera, cheeks squished together. _

_ “Well isn’t that precious?” Anne croons, getting closer. “I’ll have to show that to Jay when she comes back. She’ll love it.”  _

The video ends and the two boys’ mothers are clutching their hearts and sharing fond looks. Harry ruffles Louis’s hair and pulls him close.

“You guys weren’t kiddin’ when you said you spent a lot of time together,” Niall scoffs, and Louis only nods.

~

Later, once everyone has gone home, Louis is lying on Harry’s couch with a stomach full of ice cream cake and drooping eyes. He’ll fall asleep any minute, and he doesn’t remember where he left the bag he’d brought to stay over. So much for brushing his teeth before passing out.

Harry is sitting on the other end of the couch, tapping away at his phone. 

“You can’t sleep there, Baby Lou,” he laughs quietly, but Louis groans something unintelligible and rolls over. He’s comfortable like this, curled up in the cushions and falling asleep to the quiet television sitcom in the background.

“For God’s sake,” Harry mutters, and within a minute, Louis feels himself being scooped up and held against someone’s chest. His legs are around Harry’s waist, and they’re moving towards  the stairs. 

Too tired to be embarrassed, or to protest, Louis falls asleep to the rhythm of Harry’s footsteps.  


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i'm back! i'm sorry you had to wait so long for this update, but i hope you like it! :) 
> 
> please let me know what you think. :)

Louis wakes up underneath Harry’s sheets, still lazy and wrapped up in sleep. He knows the curly haired boy is beside him, but he doesn’t turn over to look at him just yet. Blinking his eyes a couple of times to adjust to the morning light, Louis scratches at his hair, matted against the pillow, and sighs.

“Good morning,” his curly haired neighbor hums from a respectable distance behind him, and Louis finally rolls to his side to look at him. Harry is shirtless, the blanket covering him from the torso down, and tapping a text into his phone. He yawns. It’s adorable.

“Hi,” Louis replies flatly, and sits up to rub the crust from his eyes. He shouldn’t have stayed here overnight. He knows Andrew is aware of their sleepovers, and the boy has even explained to him that he’s fine with Louis’s relationship with Harry. So why does he still feel so guilty? 

“Wan’ me t’make you breakfast?” Harry mumbles, swinging his legs over the bed to plant his feet onto the carpet and stand up. The older boy stretches, his muscles flexing as he groans and reaches his arms up behind his head. Just kill Louis now, honestly. 

“Please,” is all he replies with, and crawls back underneath Harry’s blankets. Eyes closed and body curled up, he hears Harry’s feet padding across the floor towards the door. Once he leaves, Louis feels himself falling asleep again, surrounded by the familiar smell of his best friend’s linens.

When he wakes again, someone is lightly shaking his shoulder and speaking to him. Louis can’t hear what they’re saying, but he sits up anyway and exhales loudly. Harry is standing in front of him, freshly showered and wearing new clothes (a t-shirt and sweatpants), and holding a tray full of pancakes.

“They’ve got chocolate chips,” he informs Louis, putting the tray down before the boy on the bed and sitting down beside him. “I already ate, so go ahead.” He hesitates, just briefly, and then leans down to press a soft kiss to the younger boy’s forehead.

“Thank you,” Louis coughs out, once he recovers from the contact. What the hell is Harry doing? He’s always looked out for Louis, but isn’t this overkill?

He doesn’t ask any of the questions that are swarming his mind, but instead bites into the food he’s extremely grateful for and smiles up at Harry as he chews.

~

The thing is, most people at school don’t give Louis shit for being gay. In fact, a lot of kids seem to try to be extra _nice_ around him just so he knows they don’t have a problem with it. He feels lucky for that, but there are days like today where he’s just flat out annoyed.

He’s standing in front of his locker, grumbling in frustration as he tries to scrub the word _‘Faggot_ ’ off of the door. It’s written in black sharpie, and a few students are staring pitifully as he walks past. 

These baby wipes Louis happened to have in his backpack aren’t doing shit to get rid of the word, and he really hadn’t wanted to go find the janitor, but it’s looking like that’s his only option.

“God dammit,” Andrew mutters suddenly from behind him, putting a hand on Louis’s shoulder as they look at the ugly word. 

“It won’t come off,” Louis whines quietly, scrubbing harder, but the boy pulls his arm away and takes the baby wipe from his hand. He’s pulled into Andrew’s arms, and they stand there for a moment, sighing into each other’s necks. 

It feels almost defiant, to stand like this, hugging each other in front of someone’s nasty act of ignorance. Louis likes it. He hopes whoever wrote it is looking at them right now. He hopes they feel defeated. 

“What the _flying fuck?_ ” Niall is here now too, Liam standing next to him, and Louis rolls his eyes. He really doesn’t need the entire peanut gallery to see the graffiti, but apparently news travels fast in the school. 

“I didn’t think it was true,” Liam shakes his head. “People are so lame. I’ll go get the janitor.” He leaves, backpack slung over one shoulder, and Niall is still frowning at the word. The three of them stand there, in silence, except for a few students who occasionally come to tell Louis that they’re sorry it happened, or that they think it’s ‘really fucked up’. 

~

A few days later, the boys are all sitting in their usual booth at the diner with milkshakes and menus. Louis sips on his straw as he listens to the conversation circulating around the table, and Andrew winds an arm around his waist. He watches as Harry keeps his eyes on the two of them, lips pursed into a straight line. 

The curly haired boy looks away, down at his menu as Niall and Liam start laughing about something Louis hadn’t been paying attention to.

“We were talking about when we were ten and you were eight, Louis,” Niall nudges Louis’s side with his elbow. “And you and Harry got into a fight at that neighborhood barbecue, and you were literally rolling around in the grass throwing punches-“ He bursts into a fit of laughter, almost unable to continue. “And Harry rolled into dog shit.”

Zayn snorts at the memory, and even Andrew smiles a little bit.

“It wasn’t funny for me,” Harry grumbles, but he’s grinning. “Louis didn’t even feel sorry for me!” He’s pouting now, and they’re all chuckling, and Louis rolls his eyes.

“You deserved it,” he reasons, sticking his tongue out. Harry gasps in mock surprise from across the table, and sticks his own tongue out in return. 

Minutes afterwards, once they’ve ordered, Louis gets up to use the bathroom. He’s gone for not sixty seconds before Andrew is looking at Harry not threateningly, but curiously. 

“Do you love him?” He asks suddenly, so casually and innocently that the entire table stills. Niall freezes, mid-sip of his milkshake, and looks up in surprise

“Excuse me?” Harry sputters, brows raised and head titled to the side.

“I’m just curious,” Andrew shrugs, taking a bite of his food. “So, do you?”

The silence that washes over them is confirming and terrifying. Liam shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and Zayn prepares himself for the storm that he’s known has been coming, for a long time now. Niall is still unmoving. The entire restaurant is happy and buzzing, but they look as though they’re frozen in time.

Harry doesn’t need to say it, considering how obvious it is at this point, but he does.

“Yes. I do.” 

“More than a friend?”

“Yes.” His eyes are narrowed, embarrassed that it had been pried from him. Of course, he could have denied it or brushed it off, but for some odd reason, he didn’t. Zayn doesn’t even pretend to look surprised, but Niall is repeatedly squeezing his eyes shut and opening them again. 

Andrew nods, goes back to eating, and the other four boys exchange mortified and confused looks as Louis returns to the table.

“Did I miss anything?” he chirps cheerily, and they all quickly blurt out variations of the same thing, which was a hasty; 

“No, nothing at all.”

If Louis notices their red cheeks, or their uncomfortable movements as they silently continue to eat, he doesn’t mention it. 

~

They leave the diner with their coats wrapped around them. The cold March air is brutal and unforgiving, but they stand on the sidewalk anyway, talking amongst themselves. It’s getting late, and the sun is setting, but Louis is okay with that. Early evening is his favorite time of day.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Andrew interrupts his admiration of the twilight with an apologetic smile, and gestures for Louis to walk away from the group. They round a corner and find a bench, sit down, and the boy looks as though he doesn’t know where to start.

“What is it?” Louis asks, sitting closer, and Andrew kisses him as hard as he can. His eyes squeeze shut, but he pulls away as quickly as he’d initiated it, and exhales.

“You don’t belong with me, and I think we both know it,” he sighs into the darkness of the night. Louis is breathless from both the kiss and the words that came after it, so he says nothing. “I watch you and Harry - and you two are just, I dunno, effortless. We don’t have that.” 

“Are you breaking up with me?” Louis asks, eyes wide as he moves further away. Andrew looks miserable, and he reaches for the other boy’s hand.

“Not if you tell me that you’d choose me over Harry.” 

Louis opens his mouth, and closes it again. He’s cold, so he tucks himself further into his coat, and shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. How is he supposed to do this? It isn’t that he doesn't like Andrew, because he really does. But he can’t choose him over Harry, even if Harry will never love him the same way. 

The silence says more than Louis ever could with speech, and the other boy nods.

“Listen, I really like you,” he explains to Louis. “But the unsaid truth between us is that I can’t replace the void in your life that you want Harry to fill. I can’t just _be_  him for you, as much as we both wish I could. So I think we should just…” He stops to breathe shakily, and Louis pulls him into a hug.

“Be friends?” He finishes, and he feels the other boy nod into the hug. Louis wants to cry, but he won’t, not until he gets home and there’s no one there to see it.

~

Louis cries when he’s in the shower that night, shampooing his hair. He cries as he changes into clean clothes and he cries as he brushes his teeth and he cries as he climbs into his bed.

He grabs his phone off of the nightstand, unplugs it from the charger, and curls into his burrow of blankets. He doesn’t know why he does it, but opens up his messages to tell Harry about what happened. 

**_Louis:_ ** _andrew broke up with me_

**_Harry:_ ** _what??? tonight??_

**_Louis:_ ** _yeah. after dinner._

**_Harry:_ ** _lou im so so sorry._

**_Harry:_ ** _i’m coming 2 get u we’re going out_

**_Louis:_ ** _it’s 11 my mom won’t let me out_

**_Harry:_ ** _yeah she will. she loves me. x_

_~_

And now, here Louis is, heartbroken with tears drying on his cheeks as he sips on a hot chocolate from the local coffee shop. Harry’s across from him, both of his hands wrapped around a mug and watching Louis carefully.

“That sweater looks nice on you,” he murmurs quietly, and Louis thanks him before taking a sip of his drink. They sit in mostly silence, but the company itself is soothing. Harry’s got a beanie on his head, and he’s wearing a grey jumper under his jean jacket. He fits right in this sleepy cafe, and Louis wishes it would socially acceptable to curl into his lap right now and sob.

There’s soft music playing in the room, and there are few people actually in the 24-hour place. The chairs are big and soft and comfortable, and Louis sinks further into his.

“Did he say why?” Harry asks cautiously, crossing his arms over his chest. Louis can’t tell him the reason why, and his fists clench under the table. What the hell does he say?

“He. Um, he-“ 

“Did he happen to mention me?” Harry presses, chewing on his bottom lip. Louis takes another sip of his drink, anything to stall the situation, but nods eventually. 

Harry closes his eyes and sighs, as if he had been expecting that. Louis is confused now, and places his mug on the table so he can rest his hands in his lap. His fingers toy with his sleeve, fidgety and nervous and a little bit cold.

“I’m sorry,” the older boy whispers. “He got jealous of our friendship. That was it, right?”

“Yeah,” Louis mumbles, eyes trained on the floor. “But I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“It’s fine,” Harry assures him quickly, and offers him a smile. “You’ll get a new one, you know. No one on this earth is good enough for you, but I’m sure there are hundreds who’d be willing to try.”

Louis rolls his eyes and picks his mug up again. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“I’m serious,” Harry laughs quietly. “You’re going to break a lot of hearts in your lifetime, Louis Tomlinson.” 

_You break mine every day_. Louis thinks to himself. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short. i'm going through relationship troubles and i couldn't focus on this chapter. nevertheless i put effort into it and i hope you guys like it.

Getting over Andrew is a constant process, and as his feelings evolve, so does Louis’s method of coping. It’s hard to have that comfortable aspect of his life suddenly removed from it, no matter how prepared and predictive he had been of this event.

Despite their promise to remain friends, they’re giving each other space to get over it. They haven’t spoken in weeks, and Louis is beginning to feel alright again. It’s for the best, after all. He had known in his heart the entire time that Harry is who he wants; who he’ll always want.

At least winter is finally coming to a close, and the buds of spring are beginning to appear before his eyes when he’s outside to see them. He and his neighbors have spent a lot of time together recently, whether it be lounging around in Liam’s basement or sitting on Niall’s porch.

Time passes slowly, so much so that Louis feels as though he’s crawling through the school year at a glacial pace. He’s healing, but only partially. The part of his heart that held Andrew is beginning to strengthen and purge his old feelings. However, he feels as though Harry’s name might as well be carved into his chest. 

He and his friends are sprawled out across Harry’s living room, and no one else is home. They’ve got the television on, but none of them are really paying much attention to it. The boredom hangs above them in the air and sits inside their stomachs, making them restless and fidgety. 

“Zayn, if you _had_ to kiss one of us, who would it be?” Niall asks, giggling to himself, and Zayn makes a big show of pretending to throw up. He gags, coughs, and wipes at his mouth. 

“Excuse me, I’m offended,” Liam frowns. “I’m a pretty good kisser.” 

“I wouldn’t kiss you, Liam,” Zayn shakes his head. “And I feel like Niall would be too slobbery.”

“What?” Niall jumps to his feet. “I’ll have you know I haven’t had any complaints! I’m fantastic!” Harry is laughing now, clutching his stomach and throwing his head back. Louis watches the way his mouth curls into a beautiful smile, and sighs to himself. 

“What about you, Harry?” Zayn asks with a grin that’s too smug for Louis’s liking. “Who would you kiss?” Liam is snickering behind him. Did they plan this? Are they trying to set Louis and Harry up? Louis is actually going to puke. 

The curly haired boy sits up a little straighter, but tries to shrug it off and be casual, as if he doesn’t give a damn. He attempts to make his answer sound flippant, but the boys don’t seem to be buying it.

“I’d kiss Louis.” He shrugs again, and Louis wants to scream with joy and cry at the same time. This isn’t fair. This is a _game_ to all of them but to him it’s so, so real.

“Why?” Niall pushes, leaning closer and raising his eyebrows. Harry grimaces, but his face softens when he turns to make eye contact with Louis. He’s serious now, all efforts of making himself seem uninterested gone.

“Because I think his lips would be soft. And he would taste sweet.” 

“Nobody tastes _sweet,_ Har-“ Zayn is cut off by Liam’s elbow into his ribs, and they all slip into an encasing silence as Louis tilts his head in confusion at Harry’s statement.

“Maybe Louis does,” Niall hums to himself quietly. And then he says a bit louder, “Maybe Harry should find out and let us know.”

“That would ruin the mystery, wouldn’t it?” Harry looks away, snapping their stare into pieces with one motion. Louis wants to go home. He’s itching to get up and leave, but he remains seated. But more than that, he wants to dive off of the stupid couch and climb into Harry’s lap and kiss him senseless.

So he does.

In one swift movement, Louis is leaning across Liam and smashing his lips to Harry’s. He closes his eyes and makes a grab for his hair, moving his mouth quickly and desperately, considering he knows this won’t last long. 

His chest presses into his neighbor’s larger, broader, stronger one, and, well. He can’t complain about that. Harry wastes no time reaching for his waist and pulling him closer, grunting in surprise and beginning to press back onto Louis’s mouth. 

The younger boy pulls away, though, and stands to his feet. All of his friends, Harry included, are staring at him like he just told them he’s from another planet. Their jaws are dropped, their eyes wide, and their baffled expressions priceless.

“Right, well. I’ll let Harry here tell you how I taste,” he hums, straightening out his wrinkled shirt as he leaves the house. He’ll tell them later that he had homework to do, but really, he just wanted to make a dramatic exit for theatrical effect.

Sue him for it. 

~

Louis knew the text was coming, but he didn’t exactly know what is was going to say. There’s no way Harry won’t put him on blast for doing that in front of their friends. He’ll probably be angry, but then again, he _did_ kiss back.

The endless stream of possible outcomes flicker through Louis’s mind as he tries to focus on the TV in his room. He’s watching a marathon of _America’s Next Top Model_ , a show he hates but can’t resist anyway, when his mobile lights up.

**_Harry:_ ** _u dont taste sweet._

**_Louis_ ** _: what do i taste like, then?_

**_Harry:_ ** _like louis. ((thats a good thing))_

**_Louis:_ ** _well, glad we figured it out._

**_Harry:_ ** _let’s figure it out again at school tomorrow_

**_Louis:_ ** _u sure u wanna kiss me again? we’re friends_

**_Harry:_ ** _well. we could be friends that kiss sometimes._

**_Louis:_ ** _hm.. ok._

_~_

Sure enough, the next morning at Louis’s locker, Harry’s got one arm resting against the wall about Louis’s head and their lips are attached. There aren’t many people in the hallway, but even if there were, no one would care.

Harry is too popular at this school for anyone to judge him for public displays of affection. He could probably run through the halls naked and get a pass for it. 

Louis stands up on the tips of his toes to get a better angle, and Harry pulls away to laugh.

“Trying to reach me, then?” He stands up on the tips of his toes as well, making Louis’s task that much harder, and laughs at his best friend’s frustration. 

“Fuck off. I’m not short. You’re tall,” he argues, and Harry pecks his mouth lightly to get rid of the frown. 

“So tiny. Small little thing,” he croons, obviously taking the piss, and Louis shoves him away.

“God dammit. You ruin everything.”

“I know,” Harry’s smiling from ear to ear, now. Louis can’t help but smile too, because who couldn’t when faced with a boy so happy and lovely?

~

“So. You two are a thing now.” Niall says after taking a bite of his sandwich and chewing on it pretty roughly. He always eats so violently - it’s almost unsettling for Louis to watch. 

“No, we’re not,” Louis interjects. He’s shaking his head, and Harry hums an agreement, before adding in his further explanation.

“Friends that kiss sometimes.” The reaction they get is mostly a mix of disgust and disbelief. Their friends are judging them pretty hard, and it’s not subtle. Liam looks like he’s about to start laughing, for God’s sake.

Zayn drops his food and leans forward to give both of them, individually, one of his signature ‘ _Are you actually serious right now’_ looks.

“That.” He begins. “Is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Louis shrugs. He doesn’t mind. Sure, he loves Harry with every ounce of his entire body, and looking at him feels like his soul is being cleansed with a burning fire, but so what? It’s probably better off that he and Harry aren’t anything serious. They’d ruin everything, eventually. And their friendship would crumble down right alongside the relationship.

~

“You don’t mind it, though?” Zayn asks, baffled, as he sits in Louis’s desk chair and swivels in slow circles. They’ve just gotten home from school, and the younger boy shrugs.

“Should I? We’re still the same. We just… We’re more affectionate, now.” He’s sitting crossed legged on his bed, his toes wiggling against the blankets.

“Sounds like a cheap, artificial version of a relationship to me,” Zayn mutters with a scoff.

“Hey,” Louis smirks, shoving his shoulder. “I’ll take what I can get.”

_~_

Liam glances at Harry from the passenger seat of the boy’s car. They’re on their way to grab some food from the nearest fast food restaurant. 

“You sure this kissing thing is a good idea?”

“You make it sound like a business deal,” Harry snorts, shooting him a glance. “It’ll be fine. Almost nothing has changed.”

“Except the fact that you’re dating now, except not.” 

“We’re not,” Harry confirms with a small nod. “But I’ll take what I can get.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! i hope you like this chapter! i'm sorry i haven't updated quite as regularly as i usually do, but i just got a new job this week (that i LOVE) and i've been really busy! but don't worry, i'll be back on track in a few days once i fully understand my schedule. (and for those of you who were concerned, my relationship is doing just fine now. thanks for asking :])

“We’re all going to London during next week’s holiday,” Liam announces at the lunch table suddenly, interrupting the previous conversation about biology homework. “I just decided it.”

Louis hasn’t been to the city in a long time. He knows he was a child the last time he went, and he’s unsure of whether or not his mother would be thrilled about the idea of him going without parental supervision. He’s only sixteen, after all. 

But she trusts Harry with Louis almost as much as she trusts herself with him. Not that Louis wants to consider Harry his babysitter - he shudders at the thought - but if his mother wants to see it that way, well. So be it.

“I’m in,” Zayn nods immediately. And that’s how the plans begin.

~

Louis’s mother hugs him goodbye from the front porch and grips his shoulders extra tight, as if he’s never coming back at all.

“It’s only one day,” he reminds her. “I’ll be home by midnight.” 

“I know that, darling, it’s just..” Her eyes are scanning his face, looking for the fear that she feels. Watching her eldest child grow up before her is more scary than she’d imagined.

“I’ll be fine,” He assures her, kissing her cheek before turning and making his way towards Harry’s car. It’s small and old, but it’ll fit all of them, and that’s what matters. 

Louis climbs into the passenger seat, and turns around to look at Zayn, Niall, and Liam all crammed into the backseat. 

“Why didn’t any of you take this seat?” he asks curiously, and Niall grumbles under his breath.

“Apparently, shotgun was reserved for Harry’s favorite,” Liam explains. At this, Harry beams and leans across the seat to press his mouth against Louis’s as a silent welcoming.

“Not in the car, _please_ ,” Niall pleads, covering his eyes. “I get carsick enough as it is.”

“It’s my vehicle taking us to the train station,” Harry snaps over his shoulder, still holding Louis’s smaller face in his hands. “And I’ll kiss whoever I’d like. Zayn, you’re next.”

“Kiss my dead body,” Zayn rolls his eyes and leans into his seat. But he isn’t frowning for more than three seconds, because despite the banter, they’re all pretty damn excited. 

Harry finally puts the car into reverse and pulls out of the Tomlinson driveway, one hand on the wheel and the other on the back of Louis’s seat. 

~

London is magical, as always. The buildings are old but the people are new and fashionable looking, and they take too many pictures for social media. 

 

They’re in a small coffee shop a little ways away from the London Eye, which is their next stop. Big Ben was already hit and conquered, as was Buckingham Palace. They’ve seen these places before, of course, but is it ever too many times?

 

Louis looks at the art on the walls as he hears his friends ordering their drinks. The cafe is cozy and small, and secluded. There are fairy lights on the walls and lanterns hanging from the ceilings. 

Harry taps his shoulder, and once Louis is facing him, he places a warm travel mug into his hand.

“For you, Sweetie Darling,” he coos with a wide-grinned giggle, before kissing the tip of Louis’s nose and walking back over to where Niall is standing and collecting drinks. The younger boy is left with a warm feeling in his chest, and has to remind himself that they’re only friends.

Extremely close friends, almost to an _odd_ degree, but.

They exit the shop smelling like coffee beans, and Louis has long finished his drink, so he worms his way through the group until he’s standing beside his curly haired friend.

Harry wordlessly slips an arm around Louis’s side as they make their way down the sidewalk, and the two of them join in on the discussion their neighbors are having.

~

The Ferris Wheel is stopped at its highest point, and Louis is looking down at the historically famous city in awe. He’d press his face against the glass if a) it wasn’t so disgusting and b) there weren’t other strangers in the bubble. Harry is standing behind him though, and their friends are on the other side. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Louis murmurs, and Harry hums.

“Makes me feel small,” he replies softly, his arms wrapping around Louis’s waist. Their breaths are in unison, and Louis snorts.

“If it makes _you_ feel small, imagine how I feel,” he jokes, and Harry turns him around to look him in the eye with a fond smile. 

“You must feel like a teeny tiny little ant up here.” At this, Louis nods along and crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Yeah. You could practically keep me in your pocket.” 

“I would, if I could,” Harry shrugs. “But I feel like you’d be snarky and make comments about my outfit. Or pinch my thigh.” 

Upon hearing this, Louis swiftly pinches Harry’s thigh and the boy yelps. Some of the other passengers turn in surprise to look at them, but return to their sightseeing when they discover it’s just two teenage boys behaving stupidly.

When it’s obvious nobody is paying attention to them anymore, Harry wraps his arms around Louis’s chest and pulls them together. He kisses him hard, harder than they’ve ever kissed. His mouth moves slowly and Louis is so captivated that he wants to write poetry about the way Harry kisses. He wants to write sonnets and musicals and entire novels.

He brings his hands up to rest on the back of his best friend’s neck, and stands up on the tips of his toes. Harry doesn’t laugh at him this time, but picks him up just slightly so that it’s easier for them. Louis’s feet aren’t touching the floor anymore, but he doesn’t feel nervous. He’s never felt more safe, actually. 

It’s way too much for a public place - nonetheless a family tourist attraction - but Louis doesn’t care. He usually would be embarrassed, but he’s just not. 

When they pull away, and Louis feels himself standing on his own again, he blinks a few times to try and pull himself from dreamworld and focus. They turn back to looking out of the glass, side by side and thoughtful.

“Almost like we’re really in a relationship,” Harry says quietly, hands in his pockets.

“We could be,” Louis suggests so gently that it’s almost inaudible. But it doesn’t matter, Harry would hear his voice no matter how quiet. Sometimes he’s convinced his neighbor can read his thoughts just by looking at his facial expressions. 

“Aren’t you afraid, though?” Harry asks back. 

“Yeah,” the younger of the two replies, without looking at him. “I am.”

~

Louis is falling in and out of sleep on the way home. His head is rolled to the side, his lips parted, and his eyes closed. He can hear his friends talking quietly about things they’d seen and heard today, and he smiles to himself.

He loves all of them, so much. 

“Is Louis sleeping?” Zayn asks from the backseat. 

“Yeah,” Harry tells him, not looking away from the road. “I think Niall is, too.” Liam confirms shortly that Niall is, indeed, in slumber.

“We all saw you kiss at the top of the Eye,” Zayn accuses playfully in a sleepy voice. He yawns, and Louis’s chest tightens. They don’t know he’s awake. What if Harry says it was horrible? That he did it out of pity?

“And?” Harry replies lazily, clearly uninterested in the topic.

“And, you kissed him like you love him,” Liam interjects.

“Of course I love him. I’ve known him since he was born. I love all of y-“

“You know what we mean,” Zayn says, and Louis can only assume he’s rolling his eyes in the dramatic way that he does. Harry’s silent for a minute, after that.

“You already know how I feel about him. What are you trying to pry from me?” He asks seriously, and it sounds as though his jaw is slightly clenched. 

“Just saying. You two do everything a regular couple does.”

“You think I’m an idiot? I know that, Zayn,” Harry sighs, and Louis is trying so hard not to flinch right now. He doesn’t like that they’re talking about this.

“He loves you so much, Harry,” the dark haired boy continues from the back. And, wow, okay. _Thanks Zayn_ , Louis thinks bitterly. “You’ve been his entire world for sixteen years. That sounds like something out of a bad romance novel, but you know what I mean.”

“I know,” the driver whispers, frustrated. “I know that.” 

“Then why don’t yo-“ Harry reaches quickly for the radio and flicks it on. He turns the volume up enough that everybody gets the hint, but Louis jumps at the sudden noise and his eyes open.

“Sorry, Sweets,” the curly haired boy apologizes immediately, and turns it down a little bit. “Didn’t mean to do that.”

“’S’Fine,” Louis shrugs, shrinking further into his seat. He doesn’t want to sleep. He’s wide awake now, and he wants to kiss Harry again. He wants to kiss Harry forever. 

~

Somewhere along the way, Louis must have fallen asleep again. He wakes up to the sound of a car door closing, and he blinks slowly. His eyes squint, and he can tell they’re in his driveway. But before he can move to unbuckle his seatbelt, Harry is doing it for him and scooping him up into his arms.

He wraps his legs around the older boy’s waist and lets his head collapse onto his shoulder as his next door neighbor makes his way up to Louis’s front porch.

“You didn’t have to,” Louis mumbles, eyes closed again. 

“I know,” Harry replies. “But we take care of each other, don’t we? We always have.” 

“But I can’t carry you,” Louis argues, his words fumbled out and a little bit hard to understand, considering he’s so exhausted. Harry laughs under his breath, and nods.

“I know that. But you take care of me in other ways. Remember when I was sick two weeks ago and you came over with vegetable soup and movies?”

“Yes,” Louis smiles warmly to himself at the memory, and Harry turns his head to kiss Louis’s temple as he climbs the steps to the boy’s door. 

“See? We look out for one another. And we always will.” 

“Always,” Louis echoes, and then he’s asleep once more.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short im sorry im trash. hope u like it anywaaayy :)

((i suggest you listen to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiXsPp81qSQ) while you read -- i personally think it fits the story so well))

_6 Months Later_

 Louis is standing in the school bleachers and trying not to make it obvious that he’s shivering. He’s got a sweater on, of course, but it’s just damn _cold_ out and he hadn’t predicted so much wind. The things he does to support Harry’s footie games. 

The junior varsity team didn’t make it very far in the league this year, but varsity did, so despite Louis’s season being over, he’s still at the pitch every weekend to support his best friend, as are the rest of the boys.

“It’s gettin’ chilly, I’ll tell ya,” Niall shakes his head, his neck wrapped up in a scarf. “I wish they could just end this already.” But the game is only halfway over, and there is an excruciating amount of time left.

Louis doesn’t mind, really. He gets to watch Harry run around in his uniform and be a captain. There are worse things to witness on a chilly Saturday morning. 

They exit the stands to make their way down the steps and support him from the sidelines themselves, where a few of the school’s most enthusiastic supports are standing.

Harry jogs over to them during a time out, sweating and panting but smiling nonetheless. He’s playing extremely well, and they’re winning. But as soon as he takes a look at Louis, his face melts into a frown and he’s immediately flooded with concern.

“You’re cold,” he says sadly, and leaves them to grab his duffel bag from the bench. Of course, the boys keep most of their belongings in the locker rooms, but some of them bring some essentials out onto the field. Harry pulls his windbreaker out of the bag and insists upon slipping it onto Louis’s sleeves. 

It’s big, and welcoming. It smells like Harry and it’s a soft grey color. Louis instantly feels himself getting warmer. He sort of loves that his best friend notices things that the other’s don’t. He can tell that Louis isn’t feeling well or is uncomfortable with the smallest glance.

“You alright now, Baby Lou?” Harry leans in to rub their noses together, before clapping Liam on the back and waving to Niall and Zayn as he runs back onto the field to join the rest of the team.

“ _Friends_ , my ass,” Zayn scoffs with a smug grin, nudging Louis, who is happily snuggled into Harry’s jacket.

“Shut the fuck up,” the youngest boy laughs into the neck of the windbreaker. 

~

Roughly an hour later, they score the winning goal and Louis is jumping up and down like an absolute fool. He gets too excited about these games - but they’re important to Harry, and that importance seeps into him as well. 

As the celebration goes on in the stands, one of Harry’s teammates and Louis’s acquaintances, Thomas, approaches him with a grin. They’ve talked a few times when JV and Varsity practiced together, but only briefly. 

“Glad you came to watch!” The boy chirps, clearly still buzzing from the win. “I’m sorry about how JV’s season turned out, though. I think you carried the team.” Louis knows, for a fact, that he didn’t carry the team. He’s alright, but not a superstar. Is Thomas _flirting?_  

“Nah, not really,” the boy shrugs, blushing slightly. He still smells like Harry, thanks to the jacket, and he loves that. He likes the idea of their scents mixing together into something new. 

“I’m serious,” Thomas smiles and steps closer. “You’re really great, Lou. And cute, too-“

“What’s going on here?” Harry looks uncomfortable and tense, arms crossed over his chest as he watches the interaction from a mere foot away. His eyebrows are pulled together, and their friends have stopped cheering to watch the scene. 

Thomas seems confused, as he should. He steps back, shoulders shrugging innocently, and gestures to Louis.

“We were just talking about the junior varsity season,” he reasons, but the curly haired boy seems unimpressed by the response. He makes an unnecessary show of pressing a kiss to the middle of Louis’s forehead, and Thomas’s eyes widen.

“I’m sorry, you two. I didn’t realize you’re together. I obviously wouldn’t have-“

“We’re not together,” Harry and Louis say at the exact same time. 

“What?” Thomas looks to Zayn for help, but the dark haired boy just shrugs his shoulders with a small sigh and shakes his head. 

“Don’t even ask,” he mutters, taking a sip of his travel coffee mug. 

Later, in the locker room, Thomas pulls a clean shirt over his head with wet hair and nudges Harry’s calf with his foot to get his attention. The taller boy quits changing to glance at him curiously.

“What happened with Louis?” He asks. “I thought you two were just friends.”

“We _are_ just friends,” Harry replies slowly, as if Thomas is the one sounding stupid. 

“Then why the hell did you get so defensive? You know I’m gay-“

“So you like him because he’s gay? You can’t date him just because there’s hardly another outed gay guy in our school. He deserves someone… Someone..” Harry struggles to find the words. “He deserves someone who’s there for him, you know? And someone he can take care of, too. He likes to fuss over people. He’s kind of like his mum, in that regard. And he likes to have conversations about astronomy. He doesn’t read much about it, but he talks through observation. It’s like magic, listening to him. He needs someone who appreciates his admiration for the universe and the world, someone who will _pay attention_. Everything he says is so fascinating. And even when he’s just mumbling tiredly and falling asleep, his words just pull you in. Louis is _made_ of words and even the smallest, most meaningless ones create this huge _impact_ and suddenly you’re up all night listening to him say them over and over in your head.” 

Thomas is rolling his eyes. 

“Harry, you’re getting defensive about him for no reason. You know I’m interested him for something more than the fact that he’s _gay_ , for God’s sake. That didn’t even make sense. 

They’re silent, closing their lockers and fumbling with the padlocks. Harry leans down to tie his shoelaces, and takes a deep breath.

“You wouldn’t know how to love him,” he mumbles finally, and Thomas scoffs 

“Because you do, right?”

“I never said that.”

“Listen, if you don’t want me to go after him-“

“I don’t want you to,” Harry finishes the statement before his teammate even gets the chance.

“Because you like him?” The other boy pries, one brow raised.

“No. Just- Just because he’s Louis and that’s it,” Harry sputters, storming from the room with his bag over his shoulder and a scowl scribbled across his face.

~

Louis is waiting in Harry’s room for him by the time he gets home. The boy’s mother had let him in, and now he’s angrily sitting on the bed with his arms crossed over his chest.

“What’s got you so grumpy?” The curly haired boy grins, tossing his bag onto the floor, and Louis almost wants to forget that he’s upset. But he can’t.

“You can’t shoo people away from me. You don’t own me,” the younger boy snaps, leaning back against the headboard. 

“What?” Harry’s smile drops, and he takes a seat on the bed. 

“You made it seem like we’re a thing, Harry. You got possessive - as if I’m _yours_ ”

“And what’s so wrong with that?” The older boy is clearly getting frustrated now, his voice becoming more hostile. 

“What’s wrong with that is I’m only yours when it’s convenient for you!” Louis shouts. Harry’s mother can probably hear them now. He doesn’t care, not in the slightest. “When it’s just you and me, we’re only friends. And that’s fine, fuck, I _love_ being your friend. But you know I want more than that. You only _want_ me when someone else does. You string me along because you know I’ll always be here, waiting for you.” Louis stops to take a shaky breath. He’s begging himself not to cry, and he doesn’t. Not yet. “As soon as someone else is interested, you’re on guard. You come back to defend whatever it is that we have. You want me around to love you and pay attention to you but you can’t deliver the same.”

“ _What?_ ** _”_** Harry gets to his feet. “Louis, I do everything in my power to make you happy! I carry you in from the car, I sit with you on your roof at night, I take you out in the middle of the goddamn night to help you get over a boy who wasn’t even _right_ for you, I-“

“I appreciate you as a friend, Harry, but you’re stringing me along!” Louis shouts. Harry looks like he’s about to object, but Louis doesn’t let him. “Is it fun for you to watch me pine over you? Louis, your desperate and pathetic younger neighbor?”

“Don’t you even dare. You know that’s not what I’m doing.” Harry is speaking slowly now, and okay, Louis knows Harry wouldn’t do that to him. He does care. But not enough.

“Then what are you doing? You start kissing me to keep me interested, but still hold me at arm’s length so you don’t have to commit to anything?” Louis really is crying now, damn it all. “Why aren’t I _good_ enough for you?”

“Louis-“

“It’s fine,” Louis wipes at the tears on his eyes with his sleeve and stands up to make his way towards the door. “Just - just stop pretending this is going somewhere, okay?” 

Louis marches the entire way home, through the cold and the wind, until he’s safely inside his own house again and he can break down in peace.  


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is appreciated as always :)

Louis hasn’t spoken to Harry in a week and a half. It’s been horrible, _so_ horrible, seeing his face in the hallways and walking onwards as if they haven’t been friends for years. 

He chokes back tears at night, and ignores the lights coming from his phone. It doesn’t matter who it is that’s texting him, after all. It isn’t Harry, and therefore, he doesn’t care.

He feels numb, sort of. He’s not angry at the curly haired boy anymore. He’s not happy with him, either, though. The distance isn’t allowing him to clear his head, but it’s instead only clouding it even more. 

It’s Saturday morning, and Louis is tiredly shoveling cereal into his mouth. He stares down at the bowl; full of soggy and sad looking grains. How dreary it is, to wake up and know it’s another day without your best friend. 

“Your sisters are going to have a sleepover at the Malik household tonight with Zayn’s sisters,” his mother comments as she puts something back into the fridge, and Louis looks up.

“Not to be rude, Mum, but why would I care?” He spins his spoon aimlessly through the milk, not feeling up to eating anything more. He wants to crawl back into bed and neglect his studies.

“You should care because you and I are going to have dinner with Anne and Harry.” Louis chokes on air, and his eyes widen. He scoops his bowl off of the kitchen table and heads towards the sink to empty its leftover contents.

“Can we please not?” He pleads, once the cereal is out of his hands. His mother looks baffled, and stops washing down the countertop to give him a perplexed expression.

“What? You’re always thrilled to go over there,” she insists. 

“We’ve, uh. We’ve had a falling out,” Louis mutters, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. 

“ _What?_ ” Jay drops her paper towel and her mouth falls. “You and Harry?” 

“Yes, so can we please-“

“Well, I suppose that explains why he hasn’t been round in a few days,” she shrugs, sighing sadly. “You know, Louis, the only way to solve your problems is to confront them.”

Louis’s eyes widen and he shakes his head.

“I’m not going. Please.”

“You’re going. It’ll be fine,” she assures him. “Whatever it is, it won’t last long. You and Harry are the best of friends… Nothing you could do would go unforgiven by him.”

_Not even jeopardizing their friendship by admitting his unrequited feelings?_

~

Dinner is, well, awkward, as had been expected.

Louis is sitting across from Harry, and they haven’t spoken two words. Their parents are talking, but everyone can see and feel the elephant in the room, but no one has the courage to acknowledge it. 

Harry looks so pretty that Louis could curl into a ball on the floor and cry. Louis watches him eat, fascinated and depressed. He wants to reach out and touch his face. 

His neighbor looks up with his big dumb green eyes and blinks at Louis as they make eye contact, clearly as embarrassed as he is. Louis looks away and back down at his meal, chewing carefully and slowly. 

This is hell. It’s just torture. He’d rather be anywhere else, right now.

“Lou, did you get a haircut, love?” Miss Anne asks him curiously, her head turned to look at him. He had, but it’s not much shorter than it was. He’s surprised she noticed.

“Yes, I did,” he gives her a small smile. “Figured I needed some change.” 

“Well, you look fantastic,” she hums. “Doesn’t he, Harry?” 

“Lovely,” Harry mutters, without looking up from his plate. His mother looks defeated, and Louis wants to punch himself in the face. 

A silence fills the room after that, with the exception of forks hitting plates as people pick at their dinners. They hardly look at one another, and when Louis’s foot accidentally brushes Harry’s under the table, he wants to scream and rip his hair out at how much emotional pain he’s in.

This is the longest fight they’ve ever had, their previous record being about five whole minutes. How do you distance yourself from someone you’ve never been apart from? Tearing Harry from his life has felt like tearing a part of himself from his life, as stupid as it seems.

It’s true, though. Their lives have always been so intertwined that Louis forgets how much of Harry _is_ his life. Without his best friend and lifelong neighbor, what is he supposed to do.  

~

Louis is standing by the door and slipping his coat onto his arms. His mother is saying goodbye to Harry’s family in the kitchen, but Harry moves past her to slip a piece of paper wordlessly into Louis’s coat pocket.

“Read it when you get home,” he says quietly, looking right into the younger boy’s eyes for the first time tonight. “I’m not good at saying things like this to your face, which is cowardly and stupid, I know. I’ll work on it. But for now, everything I want to say is in there,” he gestures to Louis’s pocket with a shaky breath. 

He actually looks _nervous._ Popular, cheery, warm, happy _Harry_ looks _anxious_. 

“Okay,” is all the other boy can whisper, because Harry’s right. It _is_ stupid to be afraid to talk to his best friend about something Louis had so easily opened up about. But he won’t turn Harry away, he can’t and he never could.

~

_Dear Louis,_  

Louis reads. His fingers are shaking and he’s sitting at his desk, the paper unfolded before him. He had made sure to make himself a hot chocolate before he dared even touch the letter. He’s going to need a comforting drink if he’s going to get through this. It’s a long letter, after all. Harry had written on both the front and back of this paper in small handwriting. 

_Sorry that I have to explain everything in a letter like this is some lame Nicholas Sparks novel. I’m not good with verbal words, but I think I could get by with written ones. I’m also sorry for making you have dinner with me tonight. I’m writing this letter in the afternoon before you come over, because I’d asked my mum to invite your family. I knew you’d only show up here if you were dragged along by your mum. But anyway._

_It’s funny to me, how talking to you about anything other than my feelings is so easy. I can talk about anything with you and feel wonderfully content. But when I try to talk about us, I clam up and I just don’t. It’s always been that way, and I never really understood it._  

 _Maybe I was afraid to tell you how I felt because I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it, so how could I expect you to? You have always held my heart in a different way other people do - my mother has part of my heart, and so does the rest of my family, and my friends. I care for them so much - but I care for you in a different way._  

 _In middle school, I used to sit with you in your backyard and be so taken away with your presence that I scared myself. I started to wonder if I was gay, so I found a girlfriend as quickly as possible to deny it for myself. I liked her - I really did. Alex was sweet and friendly. She wasn’t you, though, and I couldn’t figure out what about you she was missing. I tried to find a single quality, but there isn’t one. Your entire being is what she lacked, and so I ended it._  

_But was I gay? I wasn’t attracted to boys in general. Just you. Was I gay if I only wanted one boy in particular? And I still liked girls, too, so where did it all make sense? It just didn’t. It terrified me, the idea of falling for my best friend. I’d ruin everything, if I told you._

_My entire life has been about trying to keep you from realizing how deeply I love you. I’d slip up, though, and find myself kissing you or taking care of you in a way friends just shouldn’t, and I’d get so afraid you’d find out. So I would back away, or distance myself, and end up feeling even worse. I could never win. I couldn’t be with you, and I couldn’t be happy without you._  

_I occupied myself with girls, who kept my mind at ease for brief and blissful moments in time. Girlfriends and flings helped me not to forget you, but to push you to another part of my mind so I wasn’t in so much distress all the time. But when Andrew came along, I fell into the worst state of misery I’d ever felt._

_And, I guess that’s when I realized how much I truly loved you… In more than a way I had previously expected, I guess. It sounds cliche and pathetic, I know, to only start understanding my feelings when you’re with someone else. But. That’s what happened._

_There’s parts of me that would give in, at times. I would get tired of admiring you from a distance and just need to get a taste of the life I so desperately wanted. When I danced with you in the gym, I was so happy I could cry. I pretended we were really at the dance, together, and I had never been so at peace, I don’t think._

_But every high comes with a bad low, and watching you leave to be with your real boyfriend just dragged my heart through the mud, you know?_

_I’m not stupid. I knew you had some sort of feelings for me, but I never knew to what extent. I was afraid to explore and ask questions because I might have discovered your love didn’t cut as deep as mine._

_We started kissing, though, as friends, and I assumed that was what you wanted. I assumed you were lonely, and you turned to me because I’ve always been there for you and there wouldn’t be anything awkward between us. Nothing’s ever awkward between us, so it would only seem natural to turn me when you need noncommittal romantic attention._  

_I went with it anyway, just so that I could maybe pretend we were real, even though we weren’t. It was so nice, to live in my small fantasy world. But I’ve been hurting you without realizing it, with my indecisive nature and timid way of avoiding you when I feel we’ve gotten too close._

_And for that, I’m sorry. I realize that it seemed as though I only wanted you when other people did, but the truth is that I always cared. I always wanted you to be mine, but I lost control when I could feel you slipping from me even more than you already had been, and maybe acted more protective than I had any right to._

_I’m afraid of a lot of things, Louis. But I’m more afraid of losing you, no matter what the state of our relationship is. So please don’t hate me, even though I have a feeling you never could. I couldn’t hate you if my life depended on it, or yours._

_I think that’s it, then. Thanks for reading this._

_Yours, Always,_

_Harry_  

Louis is in tears now, god dammit, and he folds the paper up neatly to tuck it into his drawer. What does he do now, with this information? His heart is bursting at the seams and his head is spinning. He’s so stupid, so so stupid, and so is Harry. 

He crawls into his bed and opens up his phone. He ignores the few texts he has from Zayn and Liam about things he couldn’t bother caring about right now, and opens up a new message to Harry.

**_Louis:_ ** _impromptu sleepover?_

**_Harry:_ ** _be right over. r we still best friends?_

**_Louis_ ** _: course. just best friends who are in love._

**_Harry:_ ** _very very very much in love._


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter, guys! i'm sad but happy at the same time. i'm going to write more in the end notes, so check those out too... :')

Louis and Harry are sitting beside one another in a movie theater, one whose lights haven’t dimmed yet as people file into empty seats. They’ve both got their own popcorn bags, and this is their first attempt at a real date.

It was a little bit awkward, when Harry had come to pick Louis up at his house and pretend to introduce himself to Louis’s mother (who was hysterically laughing at how cute she found the entire situation, but went along anyway). 

It was also a little bit awkward the car ride there, and Louis had begun to worry that their dynamic is already changing. He’s reassured, though, when Harry throws a piece of popcorn at him and giggles in his usual way when the younger boy scowls. 

Harry takes Louis’s hand in his, and squeezes it. Louis’s heart inflates, and he lets himself lean into his best friend - and now boyfriend? It’s still strange to even _think_ it. With a yawn, the curly haired boy stretches and puts his arm over Louis in the classic, cliche way, and immediately they’re laughing, unable to even pretend to be serious.

When they’re no longer chuckling, Harry’s eyes fall down to Louis’s lips and he slowly starts to lean in. Louis doesn’t know why he’s so afraid - they’ve kissed before, but this seems more real,now that _they’re_ more real. Their lips hover in front of each other’s, but before they can touch, someone is clapping Harry on the back and nudging him forward.

“Sorry to interrupt, lads,” Zayn smirks evilly. “The lads and I just thought we’d catch a movie tonight. Funny seeing you here, innit?” He’s standing beside Liam and Niall, all happily holding snacks and drinks. Louis will murder each of them individually.

“I hate all of you,” Harry grumbles at them, and they’re laughing now.

“What, you think we’d miss out on our best mates’ first date?” Niall scoffs, plopping onto a seat the row behind them. “I’ve got the best seat in the house.”

“Please don’t make out,” Liam whispers with a wide smile, and Harry narrows his eyes before he speaks.

“Just for this, you assholes, we’re gonna make out the _entire time._ ” Louis, who had been sipping on his soda, nearly chokes on it as he coughs in surprise at Harry’s words. 

“Um, no we’re not!” He’s not doing that with his three neighbors watching them. He has some dignity, thank you very much. 

“Alright, fine. But we’re gonna make out when we get home, right?” He’s blinking his big green eyes at Louis, looking so hopefully and sad and pretty, and Louis nearly breaks down and sobs in the middle of the theater. 

“Yes,” his cheeks turn a little pink, and their friends pretend to barf all over the floor. 

~

It’s a drizzly Sunday morning and the Varsity team has just won another match. The crowds erupt into screams, whoops, and hollers. They wave banners and screech - the team is going to the championship, this means. 

Louis jumps up and down, hugging Liam in the process. He’s wrapped up in Harry’s jacket, again, and spots his boyfriend running towards him excitedly. He’s got a mix of sweat and rainwater on his cheeks, and he probably smells awful, but Louis doesn’t mind.

Harry reaches him, and pulls him in quickly to kiss his mouth. It isn’t some girl this time, it’s _Louis,_ and now he knows that those girls were only there to help Harry not to think about him so much. He’s elated, and ecstatic, and content. When he kisses back, Harry purrs happily, and picks him up just a little bit.

And, yeah, Harry smells like a rotten, smelly, old sock. But so what? He’s cute enough that it’s okay.

“You look so adorable in my jacket,” he whispers into Louis’s neck, causing the hairs on the back of the boy’s neck to rise. Harry peppers kisses into Louis’s cheeks. “So. So. So. Cute.”

“You’re cute,” Louis mutters, and Harry hugs him tighter.

~

The unfortunate part of officially dating Harry is that the other boy is no longer allowed into his room anymore, according to Louis’s mother. It had been one thing when they were friends, but now they’re limited to the living room, kitchen, and. That’s about it, really. 

Luckily, Jay has left the house for about fifteen minutes to fetch Lottie from Zayn’s house, and Harry and Louis are lying on the couch. Well, more like grinding on the couch, but. 

Louis is underneath his lifelong best friend, kissing hungrily into his mouth and tugging on his hair. Harry keeps pulling harder on him, fisting at his shirt and pants. It stops being serious every five minutes or so, though, when one of them starts giggling and then they’re laughing into it because this is all so _new_ and _funny_ and _strange_. 

“Baby Louis,” Harry smirks as he pulls away slightly to look at him, and Louis groans. 

“For God's sake, can you not call me that when you’re kissing me, please?”

“ _My Baby Louis,_ ” Harry croons, ignoring Louis’s whines and complaints as he pinches his cheek and laughs at the other’s discomfort. “Alright, fine. How about just ‘My Louis’?" 

“I like that,” Louis replies quietly, and they pull each other back in again. 

~

_15 Years Later_

Louis opens the overhead carriage and throws the baby bag into it, nearly breaking a sweat as he tosses the ridiculously heavy luggage up into the compartment. 

“It’s like we’re walking around with bloody cinderblocks,” he mutters, and a mother behind him snorts under her breath. At least _she_ understands. 

Harry’s got one baby on his hip, and he’s holding the other’s hand as she ushers carefully towards her seat. Ella’s never been on an airplane before, and her apprehension is well understood. 

“It’s alright, love,” Harry assures her as she takes the window seat. She smiles up at him, but it’s a scared smile. Louis sits himself into the middle seat, and takes his daughter’s hand, while Harry takes the aisle and bounces baby Henry on his lap. 

Henry giggles happily, chewing on his fingers, and Harry kisses the top of his head. He then does the same to Louis’s head.

“I want a kiss on _my_ head,” Ella complains, and Harry makes a dramatic show of leaning across the two seats to kiss her. She laughs the entire time, and he makes a silly face at her.

“Take this,” Louis hands their six year old a piece of gum. “Chew it when the plane takes off. It’ll help your ears to pop.”

“My ears to _pop?_ ” Her eyes widen with fear. “They’re gonna explode?!”

“No, of course not,” Louis tries his best not to smile, because he doesn’t want her to think he’s laughing at her. He can hear Harry muffling a laugh behind his hand. “It relieves the pressure from your ears, because otherwise you’d get a headache. It has to do with the fact that we’re gonna fly so high in the air. 

“Oh,” she says, but he can tell she doesn’t fully understand. Thankfully, she removes the piece from the wrapper and chews on it anyway. As for Henry, they had bottle fed him before they boarded the plane - which Louis had read is supposed to help.

“Is Disney World beautiful?” Ella asks as she chews rather loudly. 

“Yes,” Harry hums. “Daddy and I went there together as children.” 

“When you were best friends?” She asks, because Ella knows the story ( _loves_ the story) of how they were neighbors before they ever dated. She finds it delightfully romantic… Probably because Louis lets her watch too many romantic comedies before bed. 

“Correct,” Louis nods at her, and she grins up at them. 

“I hope I meet a princess,” she says. 

“You’ll meet all of them,” Harry promises, and her eyes widen with delight. She’s excited now, fidgeting in her seat and seemingly forgetting her fear of flying. Harry leans across the seat when she isn’t looking to press his mouth to Louis’s. 

~ 

Henry is in the stroller they had rented from the park, and Ella is holding Louis’s hand and jumping up and down. She’s wearing Minnie Mouse ears, and waiting for the fireworks to begin under Cinderella’s castle. 

Harry glances down at the baby, who looks utterly exhausted from the long day, and his eyes are drooping. The poor kid is in for a wake-up call when the loud fireworks start, which is why they had put earmuffs over his tiny little ears.

The show begins, and their daughter lets go of Louis’s hand to clap and cheer and dance. They watch her, and Louis doesn’t know about Harry, but there are tears in his eyes. 

Sue him, though, for being an emotional parent in the happiest place on Earth. 

The colors explode against the night sky, and Harry pulls Louis to him. They kiss slowly, happily, and Louis feels thirteen again. He remembers how hastily and nervously they had kissed. Harry’s hands find his waist and Louis pulls him closer. This time is different. They mold together because they aren't afraid and hesitant anymore, nor are they as desperately eager. 

They lips move synchronously, and they smile halfway through it. Louis opens his eyes, and Harry pecks him one more time before they pull apart. 

“Are you gonna apologize for it, this time?” Louis teases, and Harry chews on his lip. They're still in each other's arms.

“No, I won’t.” 

~ 

_The End._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i want to thank EVERYONE who has read, commented, and supported me through this story. i did NOT expect anyone to read it - let alone the numbers of people who did. you're all so wonderfully fantastic and i updated so quickly because i loved to read your reactions.. not to mention i loved this story with all of my heart. i'm a little sad to see it go, but i'm happy with the ending i wrote and i hope you're happy with it too. 
> 
> i'm beginning to work on a new series called 'all the king's men', and so i hope some of you will check it out! once again, thank you for reading this story. i hope you all enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any typos. i'm the worst at editing (as in, i just don't). talk to me on tumblr! my username is sarcredhrt.
> 
> (Also, I am not affiliated with One Direction and this story, if it isn't obvious enough, is fiction.)


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